Chicken Dust

Love

2010-01-21T13:03:00.002-07:00

I love being a mom. Every day I thank my Father in Heaven for the sublime gift of motherhood. My little guy is four months old, and as sweet as any child could be. He often looks up at me after I feed him and gives me a giant smile; then he gives several syllables of sweet cooing. Though he doesn't have the vocabulary to say it, I very clearly hear, "I love you, Mommy." At moments like that, my heart melts, and I can only smile back and respond, "I love you too, Sweetheart."

It makes me realize how much our Heavenly Father must love us, and how it warms Him (and us) to communicate with us. Though my prayers are feeble (much like my four-month-old's talking), He hears and understands. Through the gift of His Spirit I am able to feel His love, and my life is full. This, I believe is the essence of eternal joy. It's love.

Prayer and the Blue Horizon

2009-06-04T12:34:00.001-06:00

"Prayer is a heavenly gift designed to help us achieve spiritual lift. It enhances and cultivates our relationship with God. Isn’t it remarkable that we can converse with the supreme Source of wisdom and compassion in the universe at any time of our choosing, in any place?

Daily simple, sincere, and mighty prayers lift our lives to a higher spiritual altitude. In our prayers we praise God, give thanks to Him, confess weaknesses, petition needs, and express deep devotion to our Heavenly Father. As we make this spiritual effort in the name of Jesus Christ, the Redeemer, we are endowed with increased inspiration, revelation, and righteousness, which bring the brightness of heaven into our lives.

Prayer helps us transcend the stormy times. It gives us a glimpse of that blue sky that we cannot see from our earthly vantage point, and it reveals to us another vista—a glorious spiritual horizon filled with hope and the assurance of the bright blessings the Lord has promised to those who love and follow Him."

--President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I testify that this is true. So very true, and so often exactly the one thing that I need most of all. Truly prayer is a supernal gift.

WOW

2009-01-02T14:51:00.005-07:00

I was studying about covenants this morning and read the following. It is so wonderful, I just had to share.

True to the Faith (p. 44): Always remember and honor the covenants you make with the Lord. Then you will not need to be commanded in everything you do. You will be inspired by the Holy Ghost and Christlike conduct will be part of your nature. As the Lord has promised, you will "receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things--that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal" (D&C 42:61). Your greatest hope should be to enjoy the sanctification that comes from this divine guidance.

Jeremiah 31:31-34: Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, that I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel ... for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.

Moroni 10:33: And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not is power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot.

All I can say is WOW! I was so blown away as I pondered on the greatness of my Father in Heaven and my Savior that I had to just sit and ponder for a while. What a wonderful gift of covenants!

Blessing

2008-12-19T10:24:00.002-07:00

2 Cor 2:9 -- But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

Just one week ago today I was sealed in the House of the Lord to the most incredible man in the world. As Heavenly Father has blessed me through our union, I am exceedingly amazed at His glory and the wonder of His plan. There is no greater joy than following the Savior's plan and teachings. I could never have imagined such happiness, and I know it will only increase and become more fulfilling. What a glorious blessing!

Lessons Emphasized Recently

2008-11-29T20:43:00.003-07:00

- When I pray, God hears.

- When I ask in faith, God grants.

- When I act in faith, I am happy.

- Anything that distances me from my Father in Heaven is sin, and it hurts -- a lot.

- Jesus is my Savior.

- The Savior's love is powerful.

- His Atonement is cleansing.

- When I repent, Father forgives.

- Repentance takes away the hurt caused by distance from God.

- Forgiveness feels wonderful.

- God is my Father, and He really wants me to repent, so He can lovingly forgive.

- His arm is stretched out still, and still, and still.

- Father begs me to come unto Him through Christ.

- When I pray, God hears.

"Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me" (D&C 19:23).

Hope

2008-11-12T23:13:00.003-07:00

Today as I was walking up to the temple, I was contemplating my life and the sacrifice I would offer to the Lord this week. I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed with the demands on my time at present, and I noticed especially that I have not been as faithful, hopeful, or charitable as I would like to be. I lamented this fact to the Lord, then added, "But I'm really trying hard. I so want to be good. I'm doing my best...is it enough?"

His reply (I picture him saying it with something of a sympathetic smile)? "No, child, it's not enough."

Oh, well, that's not the comforting and reassuring answer I was hoping for, but the truth hit me like a ton of bricks. He's right (duh!). It's not enough, and it will never be enough. My best just doesn't cut it. Surprisingly, this didn't fill me with despair, but rather faith, repentance, and therefore hope.

I'm not enough, but He is. So trust Jesus.

A More Determined Discipleship

2008-11-10T19:26:00.006-07:00

I testify that:

1. God has always and will always speak to the world through His prophets.

2. God has the right to speak on anything He chooses.

3. Those who argue with God do so to their own condemnation.

4. The leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are the prophets of God called to lead His children all over the world today. Without question, God will stand by the words of His chosen, and I declare that Thomas S. Monson is His chosen.

In light of recent national events, I find the following to be incredibly poignant. This is just a few excerpts from an exceptional talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell given at BYU in 1978.

"Make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters, in the months and years ahead, events are likely to require each member to decide whether or not he will follow the First Presidency. Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions. (See 1 Kgs. 18:21.)

President Marion G. Romney said, many years ago, that he had “never hesitated to follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional or political life” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1941, p. 123). This is a hard doctrine, but it is a particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked. In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ!

This new irreligious imperialism seeks to disallow certain opinions simply because those opinions grow out of religious convictions. Resistance to abortion will be seen as primitive. Concern over the institution of the family will be viewed as untrendy and unenlightened.

Before the ultimate victory of the forces of righteousness, some skirmishes will be lost. Even in these, however, let us leave a record so that the choices are clear, letting others do as they will in the face of prophetic counsel.

There will also be times, happily, when a minor defeat seems probable, but others will step forward, having been rallied to rightness by what we do. We will know the joy, on occasion, of having awakened a slumbering majority of the decent people of all races and creeds which was, till then, unconscious of itself.

Jesus said that when the fig trees put forth their leaves, “summer is nigh” (Matt. 24:32). Thus warned that summer is upon us, let us not then complain of the heat!

Properly humbled and instructed concerning the great privileges that are ours, we can cope with what seem to be very dark days, and with true perspective about “things as they really are,” we can see in them a great chance to contribute. Churchill, in trying to rally his countrymen in an address at Harrow School on 29 October 1941, said to them:

“Do not let us speak of darker days; let us speak rather of sterner days. These are not dark days: these are great days—the greatest days our country has ever lived; and we must all thank God that we have been allowed, each of us according to our stations, to play a part in making these days memorable in the history of our race.” (Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, p. 923.)

So should we regard the dispensation of the fulness of time—even when we face stern challenges and circumstances. “These are great days”! Our hearts need not fail us. We can be equal to our challenges, including the aforementioned challenge of the secular church!

The disciple will be puzzled at times, too. But he persists. Later he rejoices and exclaims over how wonderfully things fit together, realizing, only then, that with God—things never were apart!

When, in situations of stress, we wonder if there is any more in us to give, we can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capacities perfectly, placed us here to succeed. No one was foreordained to fail or to be wicked.

When we have been weighed and found wanting, let us remember that we were measured before and were found equal to our tasks; and therefore, let us continue but with a more determined discipleship.

God bless you and keep you, my special friends, to the end that you will carry out each and every assignment given to you so very long ago. You have been measured and found adequate for the challenges that will face you as citizens of the kingdom of God; of that you should have a deep inner assurance. Be true to that trust, as all of us must, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

Gratitude

2008-09-24T18:47:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was a perfectly delightful day. It was one of those days when I feel compelled to get on my knees and thank Heavenly Father for being in the details of my life. Somehow He made everything work to bring a smile to my face all day long.

A beautiful lady once said to me, "Heavenly Father always has something up His sleeve ... and it's a pretty big sleeve!" She also said, "He treats us all like we're an only child." How true that is.

I like the way the Lord said it through Isaiah:

"For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee" (Isaiah 54:10).

Tribute

2008-09-22T21:53:00.002-06:00

Here's to Mom who always took the blame for the hurt she didn't cause, and deserves all the credit for loving me through it all.

"Heavenly Promises Are Always Kept"

2008-09-08T21:37:00.005-06:00

"Every experience can be a redemptive experience."

September 2008 CES fireside

Please watch and enjoy.

A Gift

2008-09-07T20:34:00.004-06:00

I love getting gifts. I love even more giving gifts. And what I love most of all is getting gifts I can give away.

This sometimes gets me into trouble because some people are offended if I give away a gift they gave me. It's not as if I didn't appreciate or even love whatever they gave me. This is not a matter of convenient "re-gifting." Truly, the more I love something, the more I want to share it. If you compliment my favorite outfit, I'm tempted to offer it to you because that's just how I am. When I have something wonderful, I want the whole world to partake. That just makes me happy.

The greatest example of a gift I have been given that I can give away is my testimony. I suppose that is why my blog is as it is. Heavenly Father has blessed me so much! When I think of my faith and indeed my knowledge of Him and His plan for me, I am filled with awe and appreciation. My natural reaction is therefore to give it again to all the world. The wonderful thing about a testimony (like love) is that the more you give it, the more you have. So please, enjoy my words as a gift to you from me that was a gift from Heavenly Father to me. Enjoy it, and pass it on.

I know God lives. I know He is my Father. I know I am His daughter, and that I have an eternal soul with divine characteristics inherited from Him. I know Jesus of Nazareth is the Christ, the Only-Begotten Son of the Father. He is my Savior and Redeemer, and not mine only, but for the whole world. I know that through His grace I am saved. I know that the Father and the Son appeared to Joseph Smith. I know he was truly called of God and given the authority to act in God's name in establishing the Church of Jesus Christ, the only church on the earth which contains the fullness of the authority of God and knowledge of His plan. I know President Thomas S. Monson is the Lord's chosen prophet today. I know the Bible is the Word of God, and I know the Book of Mormon is the Word of God. I know the temple ordinances and covenants are from the Father and when lived give me power. I know God hears and answers my prayers. I know He loves me. I know He lives.

All Is Well!

2008-08-01T10:58:00.002-06:00

Saint: One who is pardoned and purified by the blood of Jesus the Christ because of obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Father.

Beauty

2008-07-18T14:35:00.003-06:00

A scripture about the kind of woman I intend to be:

"And our glorious Mother Eve, with many of her faithful daughters who had lived through the ages and worshipped the true and living God" (D&C 138:39).

A True Statement

2008-07-18T14:29:00.001-06:00

"He will help us when we help ourselves according to how He has already helped us."

-A conclusion reached by the best companion a missionary could ask for and me during a companion study directed by the Spirit of the Lord.

Some Thoughts on Healing

2008-07-17T15:50:00.002-06:00

"O ye, my people, lift up your heads and be comforted; for behold, the time is at hand, or is not far distant, when we shall no longer be in subjection to our enemies, notwithstanding our many strugglings, which have been in vain; yet I trust there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made. Therefore, lift up your heads, and rejoice, and put your trust in God..And now, is not this grievous to be borne? And is not this, our affliction, great? Now behold, how great reason we have to mourn...But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage" (Mosiah 7:18-19, 23, 33).

"Surely [God] matches with His own the tears His children shed."
"Christ knows better than all others that the trials of life are very deep, and we are not shallow people if we struggle with them."
(Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, An High Priest of Good Things to Come)

"The second lesson of the Atonement is ... that God 'has a forgiving disposition,' that Christ 'is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, long-suffering, and full of goodness.' Mercy, with its sister virtues of repentance and forgiveness, is at the very heart of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Everything in the gospel teaches us that we can change if we really want to, that we can be helped if we truly ask for it, that we can be made whole, whatever the problems of the past ... To succor means 'to run to.' I testify that Christ will run to us, is running even now, if we will but receive the extended arm of His mercy. When we stagger or stumble, He is there to steady and strengthen us. In the end He is there to save us, and for all this He gave His life."
(Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Teaching, Preaching, and Healing)

"Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not" (D&C 6:36)
"Pray always, and I will pour out my Spirit upon you, and great shall be your blessing -- yea even more than if you should obtain treasures of earth and corruptibles to the extent thereof. Behold, canst thou read this without rejoicing and lifting up thy heart for gladness?" (D&C 19:38-39)

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

"That man is greatest and most blessed and joyful whose life most closely approaches the pattern of the Christ. This has nothing to do with earthly wealth, power, or prestige. The only true test of greatness, blessedness, joyfulness is how close a life can come to being like the Master, Jesus Christ. He is the right way, the full truth, and the abundant life" (President Ezra Taft Benson).

See also:
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Broken Things to Mend
Elder Richard G. Scott, To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse
Elder Robert D. Hales
Elaine Marshall, Learning the Healer's Art
Unanswered Yet?
Come, Ye Disconsolate
Helaman 5
Romans 8
Isaiah 54
St. John 17

More of My Soul's Desire

2008-07-12T21:01:00.007-06:00

Heavenly Father is the Master of communication. The other night I was all in a dither...I just felt so incongruent. There were things in my life that I didn't understand and that made me nervous. I had talked with my roommate Tammy, and that helped a little. Then I sat and played the piano for a while. The strains of "I Need Thee Every Hour" calmed my nerves slightly; mostly they just expressed the truth about my situation. Truly, I needed my Father.

I got ready for the night and then knelt next to my bed. As I began my nightly prayer, my pleas were somewhat "vain repetitious." My leg had a bit of a muscle twitch and I gently tapped the night stand next to my bed. Unexpectedly I heard a loud crash; it caused me to jump and look. One of my pictures on the shelf of the stand had fallen down. I quickly picked it up and put it back without really looking at it and returned to my prayer. The muscle twitched again, and once again I heard a crash. Looking over, I noticed that the same picture had fallen again. That picture has never fallen before nor since, even when I climb on the night stand to get into bed (which is extra tall). This time when I picked it up I looked at the scripture written next to a painting of Christ helping two children out of a rushing river. "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not" (D&C 6:36).

Like I wrote at the start of this post, Heavenly Father is the Master of communication. Either I wasn't listening to anything else or He just really wanted to make His point in a tender and somewhat comical way. Whatever the motive for this method, I got the intended message. It was that I was not praying as He had taught me to pray. I stopped my racing thoughts and took a few deep breaths. Then I looked to my Savior. Together He and I started over, and I prayed this time in His name. My words were what He would have me pray, and it wasn't really what I was expecting to ask for -- it was better. He is so good to me!

I told Tammy later that I didn't really resolve anything that was racing through my mind, but I was on good relationship terms with my Father in Heaven, which is really all that matters anyway. Last night I read this in 1 Nephi 18:21, "And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord; and after I had prayed ... there was a great calm."

Random Act of Kindness

2008-07-12T20:49:00.003-06:00

Today I went to the temple. Provo is closed for two weeks for regular maintenance/cleaning, so I went instead to the Timpanogos Temple in American Fork. The bus service is limited on Saturday, so I ended up walking about a mile and a half up hill to the temple. About 1/4 of the way there, a car passed me, then flipped around and stopped. The girl inside rolled down her window and asked, "Are you going to the temple? Do you want a ride?" I was so surprised and pleased! What a sweet girl she was; we had a fun chat as we rode up to the temple. She mentioned that she had thought about stopping but ignored the feeling. After driving past me, however, she felt again that she ought to just offer me a ride, so she did.

Did I actually need the ride? Not really; I walk all over the place, and I generally prefer walking to riding in a car. Still, Heavenly Father knew that today an offer of a ride and a short conversation with a nice person was just what He needed to get a message to me. "Come to the temple," He said. "Come and be near Me. You are welcome here." It was exactly what I needed to hear and feel. In His house I was filled with awe and exquisite peace. Words cannot describe the feelings of this day, but I will ever remember the sweetness of my Father's love. I felt it so powerfully in His temple.

Elder Oaks Said:

2008-06-24T10:55:00.002-06:00

Remember there’s a Heavenly Father there, and when we do what He has asked us to do, He will bless us. Let’s not deny Him the opportunity to fulfill His promises by taking it all upon us as if we had to do it all by ourselves.

"He is the God of Light"

2008-06-22T19:03:00.002-06:00

I was moved on Thursday by these words: "And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night ... And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth" (Genesis 1:16-17). It struck me that God did not create the darkness for the night. As John so beautifully states, "God is light, and in him is no darkness at all" (1 John 1:5). God is LIGHT, and only light. He made the light to rule over day and to rule over night. Sometimes it seems to me that the darkness of night is overpowering. I find it easy to lose hope in times of comparative darkness. As night is comparatively dark to day, so too are some days of my life comparatively dark to other days.

Yet God did not create the light for the day and leave the night to be darkness. Light always rules. Though I may choose to hide my face and close my eyes and by so doing be swallowed up by the darkness, the Light is always there -- always will be there. The question then begs to be asked: Does the light rule in my life? In the over-arching scheme of eternity, Light rules supreme. In my personal life, does the Light rule supreme? I believe it does (more on this to come). This gives me hope. And JOY.

"And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full. This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all ... But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin" (1 John 1:4-5,7).

Apology

2008-06-18T21:34:00.003-06:00

I realize that my previous apology was far too business-like. Perhaps I should be more frank. Anonymous, your comment stung. I spent far too long trying not to cry, and then a fair amount of time giving in to the urge. I got on my knees, and I talked with the Lord about it. I think it hurt so much because you are right. The truth of your statement stands; a little humility really does go a long way. And whether you meant to imply it or not, the fact remains that I could really use a LOT of humility. I am sorry. I am sorry for my arrogance in my zeal. I truly am sorry.

I did a little studying tonight about humility. Heavenly Father told me that He loves me, despite my flaws, and He nudged me gently to take a lesson from the way this truth cut me to the core. So I read a few talks and studied some scriptures. I've got a long way to go. This by John Ruskin touched me:

"The first test of a truly great man is his humility ... I do not mean, by humility, doubt of his own power ... [But really] great men have a curious ... feeling that ... greatness is not IN them, but THROUGH them ... And they see something Divine ... in every other man ..., and are endlessly, foolishly, incredibly merciful" (quoted by Elder Marlin K Jensen in May 2001 General Conference).

So my goal is to see more in others. To obliterate pride in my heart by ignoring the urge to compete with others. To think less of myself, to think more of God, and to love all around me as He loves them. That kind of love is not easy for me, but I know I need to learn it. Thank you, Anonymous for reminding me of my need for constant repentance. Thank you, Father for allowing me the opportunity to receive mercy. Thank you, my Savior for making this change possible through Thy grace. How marvelous a gift is repentance!

Onward, EVER Onward

2008-06-17T20:55:00.005-06:00

This Sunday I was in my parents' ward for church. We talked about missionary work in Relief Society, which was a bit of a different experience for me because about half the sisters in my student ward are returned missionaries (recently of course) and only a small handful of sisters in my mom's Relief Society are returned missionaries, and several of those are returned from serving as seniors (which I love, by the way). They might have gotten a little more than they bargained for with me there.

I love missionary work! I can think of several reasons for this, principally revolving around the fact the I spent more than a year of my recent past engaged full-time in spreading the glorious news of the Restoration of the fulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I felt when I returned that I had been somehow "cheated" out of the best months of my life, but I see now that Heavenly Father never let me feel fully released. Perhaps had I stayed in the field for three more months I would have walked away and felt that my mission was over. As it stands, I feel that I am perpetually on a mission, and I cannot be still.

During the first four months of my return to Provo and "civilian life," I had four major missionary opportunities. In PROVO, UTAH no less! And the opportunities to bear testimony and preach the Gospel keep coming. Heavenly Father knows how I love it, and I thank Him every day for the blessing of opening my mouth. In Preach My Gospel, the First Presidency stated, "There is no more compelling work than this, nor any which brings greater satisfaction ... More happiness awaits you than you have ever experienced as you labor among His children."

I bear testimony that is true.

Joseph Smith said, " What if all the world should embrace this Gospel? They would then see eye to eye, and the blessings of God would be poured out upon the people, which is the desire of my whole soul.” It caused me to think of D&C 109:59 where the Prophet prayed at the dedication of the Kirtland Temple that the gathering of the Lord's people would roll forth that His work may be "cut short in righteousness." I love that! How many of us have wished that the Millenium would just come so everyone would get along. Well, we've got to get on it! The world must be prepared to be presented to the Savior when He comes. Hurray!

So I must press onward, ever onward. There is no end to anyone's mission. Certainly for my testimony I am grateful, and the opportunity to open my mouth is an incomparable blessing. Thanks and glory be to my Father in Heaven!

D&C 4:2

2008-06-13T19:22:00.000-06:00

"The Lord designs to lead us to a wider field of action...We are not our own, we are bought with a price, we are the Lord's...If my heart is not fully given up to this work, I will give my time, my talents, my hands, and my possessions, until my heart consents to be subject; I will make my hands labour in the cause of God, until my heart bows in submission to it."

--Brigham Young, HC 7:464

My Soul's Sincere Desire

2008-06-11T23:07:00.006-06:00

I was reading the other night the April 2008 General Conference talk by Elder Robert D. Hales, Gaining a Testimony of God the Father; His Son, Jesus Christ; and the Holy Ghost. Such excellent words! The truth about my Father in Heaven and my relationship to Him is something I am just now beginning to appreciate. Prayer is an important part of my life. I do not always know why or how, yet my urgent need to commune with my Father drives me to my knees often throughout each day.

I read and pondered these words: “I know with surety that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live. The Atonement is real. God the Father and Jesus Christ are distinct, separate, immortal beings. They know us as individuals, and They hear and answer our sincere prayers.” I had never before thought of my prayers being heard by THEM. Generally I think just of HE. So I asked my roommate, Tammy what she thought of the phrase. Her first words were that she didn’t really have a grasp on the Savior’s role in her prayers. I felt the same.

We talked a bit more and some things she said about praying in the name of Jesus Christ touched me. What really does it mean to pray in the name of Jesus Christ? The Bible Dictionary offers this enlightenment: “We pray in Christ’s name when our mind is the mind of Christ, and our wishes the wishes of Christ--when his words abide in us.”

I had a sudden image of the Savior kneeling in the Garden of Gethsemane pleading in agony and love with His very Father, whom He knew and who had perfect confidence in Him. I saw also the Risen Lord on His knees among the more righteous Nephites praying for their peace and using words that are “not lawful to be written.” Surely there is no doubt the Father hears and answers the Savior’s prayers in the affirmative. Certainly His prayers yield peace and hope and healing.

And then I saw me. On my knees. I saw when I truly pray in the name of Christ, He is there, arms linked in mine, pleading with the Father, with me. When we together approach the God of Heaven and Earth, no prayer will go unanswered (Mormon 9:21).

I tried it that night. I pictured my Savior on His knees next to me as I spoke with my Father, His Father. We expressed gratitude for the Father’s goodness and mercy. We sought blessings for many of my loved ones who have needs and desires. And we begged Heavenly Father to sustain me and teach me to do His will. There was power in such a prayer.

Yesterday brought a test of this new method of communing with my God. Someone I love very much had an urgent and sincere need. I fled to my room to be in secret and address the Lord. I spoke most fervently of the love that I have for this sweet sister and her family, and I expressed gratitude for the privilege of seeing Heavenly Father bless their lives. I told Him of her need. I looked to my Savior for support, and He joined me in prayer. We explained the goodness of this woman and together told Heavenly Father that we loved her and wanted only the best. I explained her situation and why I wanted her desire to be granted, but before I could ask with boldness, I looked to my companion in prayer. He silently shook His head. No, it was not right. Something, I don’t know whether it is the request or simply the timing of the request, was not in keeping with the Father’s plan. Trusting Jesus, I told Heavenly Father that I know His plan to be perfect, and completely outside my understanding. I didn’t know why His plan would not allow for the granting of this request, but my Savior and I could not ask amiss.

Here came a miracle. I cried a bit and wanted to desperately to help my dear friend. I asked Heavenly Father to give her peace and understanding. If only He would take some of my faith and my good works and bless her accordingly, I would rest. Looking to our Friend, my Savior, and her Savior, I saw that He too was crying. He was hurting, much more than I could understand. I realized that His prayer was the same, and His capacity to exercise faith and experience the weight of what she is called on to bear is much greater than mine. My vicarious sacrifice was small, but combined with His, I am certain she will feel the peace we sought for her.

And I witnessed a bit of my Savior’s love for me, and the Father’s compassion. I thank the Lord for the supernal gift of prayer.

“Oh thou, by whom we come to God,

The Life, the Truth, the Way,

The path of prayer Thyself hath trod.

Lord, teach us how to pray.” (Hymns #145)

Apple Turnip

2008-04-19T23:15:00.004-06:00

To read about my laughs, and to share a few with me, visit
ummmmokay.blogspot.com

Now

2008-04-18T22:16:00.004-06:00

There is One
Who, by the power of His word,
He moves a mountain,
He calms the raging sea,
And now He beckons me.

So I will follow Him.

A Conversation

2008-04-16T17:38:00.006-06:00

Him: "So, you're back? What troubles you?"
Me: "It's not possible."
Him: silence
Me: "I mean, is it?"
Him: "What do you think?"
Me: "Well, I don't see why He would begin if not to finish...yet..."
Him: "So, the trouble."
Me: (words tumbling all over each other in my anxiety and haste to be comforted) "Yet how, I mean, I do not see that it will ever work?!" (pleading, imploring) "You must tell me! He is so... well...so...You know, and I, I, am so...not. But it just has to work! I must know. I must know. I could not bear to be separated for, for-ever. And yet, and yet, to be so close but never really there. I need Him. There must be a way. There must! But how..."
Him: the most compassionate of all silences, it seems He knows, but will not say, because I am not yet through.
Me: "Well, at least I know I'll never make it. You, now, that's a different story. You always could do what I couldn't. Do you think there might be a way?"
Him: "On your own, you're right. I know you. I love you. You just can't. I'm sorry." (and I see in His eyes that truly He is. truly sorry.)
Me: "Then what?" ( I barely dare to hope)
Him: "He must have a way."
Me: "Do you think!?" (How I trust Him! If He believes, so can I, right?)
Him: "He has spoken of it."
Me: "Well, yes, that's just it. You know, I don't understand. I just can't SEE what He means by it all. Is it really to work? Well, You know me. I won't make it. I can't. Not if it's my choice, don't you see." (almost under my breath, ashamed, I don't want to say it, but feel compelled by His realness, I must be completely truthful) "I'm too afraid."
Him: infinite tenderness
Me: "You will help?"
Him: "I believe that is His intent."
Me: "And you won't leave me alone, right? You'll be my Friend?"
Him: "I am your Friend."
Me: "Thank you.
Him: smile
Me: "So, I can follow you, right?"
Him: "You must."
Me: "I only want so much to go...to please Him. It sounds so Wonderful. So Fantastic. And so much to do! Almost, too good to be true. Oh, the Glory!"
Him: a nod, and, almost imperceptible, pity in His eye
Me: "I will be on your side, true?"
Him: "Of course. We are Friends. But know, I will never support you in opposition to Him."
Me: "No! I would not. I could not!"
Me: "Do you think I will ever understand? His Plan, I mean?"
Him: "Surely it will not be until after."
Me: "So I will be back again."
Him: smile "Just as surely."
Me: (very sorowful) "Do you think I will ever stop doubting?"
Him: "Doubting!? Darling one, you will ask until you understand, but that does not me you doubt. And I will always explain...again."
Me: "So it's okay?"
Him: "For now."
Me: "Then, please, tell me just once more...how is it to be? How is it to work?"

Him: "Come, it is time."

BEHOLD

2008-04-13T15:20:00.004-06:00

Behold the Wounds in Jesus' Hands

Behold the wounds in Jesus' hands,
The marks upon His side,
Then ponder who He meant to save
When on the cross He died.
We cannot see the love of God
Which saves us from the fall,
Yet know that Christ from wood and nails
Built mansions for us all.

Behold the outstretched hands of Christ,
Our Lord, who came to save,
Whose love and grace redeem our souls
And lift us from the grave.
Though bruised and battered as we stray
His guiding hands carress,
He washes and annoints with oil
Then in His arms we rest.

Behold the wounds in Jesus' hands.
Look to your Lord and live.
He yearns to bless you with his love
And all your sins forgive.
Oh, empty is the heart of man
When it is filled with sin.
Come, open wide your broken heart
And let your Savior in!

Behold His wounded hands and feet!
Come touch, and see, and feel
The wounds and marks that you may know
His love for you is real.
Then as you fall to worship Him
And wash his feet in tears
Your Savior takes you in His arms
And quiets all your fears.

--John V. Pearson

Declaration

2008-04-13T14:53:00.002-06:00

From Elder Holland:
"Of the many privileges we have had in this historic conference, including participation in a solemn assembly in which we were able to stand and sustain [President Thomas S. Monson] as prophet, seer, and revelator, I cannot help but feel that the most important privilege we have all had has been to witness personally the settling of the sacred, prophetic mantle upon your shoulders, almost as it were by the very hands of angels themselves. Those in attendance at last night's general priesthood meeting and all who were present in the worldwide broadcast of this morning's session have been eyewitness to this event. For all the participants, I express our gratitude for such a moment. I say that with love to President Monson and especially love to our Father in Heaven for the wonderful opportunity it has been to be 'eyewitnesses of his majesty' (2 Peter 1:16), as the Apostle Peter once said" (Report of the 178th Annual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).

From me:
I truly saw and felt and experienced the mantle of God's prophet fall upon the shoulders of President Thomas Spencer Monson. Though a man, he has been called, chosen, and now qualified. He is among those who are "just men made perfect through Jesus, the mediator of the new covenant" (D&C 76:69). I so testify.

I have made a habit of approaching the General Conference with a question, a thought, a prayer. This year was no different, however I felt that I did not have a specific purpose to my seeking. Many spoke, and all edified. My Father chose to speak directly to me through the mouth of His annointed steward. As President Monson stood to address us all, I felt that the Lord had truly called him to be mouthpiece of the Eternal Father's will. As he spoke, I heard, in my mind and in my heart, the gentle guidance of the Lord's Spirit leading me to change, to repent. And the answer came with increasing clarity what my God would have me do throughout the next six months.

"And now, whoso readeth, let him understand; he that hath the scriptures, let him search them, and see and behold if ... all these things are not unto the fulfilling of the prophecies of many of the holy prophets" (3 Nephi 10:14). I witness that the are.

President Monson is such a prophet. I know it; I sustain him. I love the Lord and thank Him for such a marvelous Gift.

Musings

2008-04-11T21:13:00.002-06:00

I like to look for rainbows whenever there is rain, and ponder on the beauty of an earth made clean again...I know when I am baptized my wrongs are washed away and I can be forgiven and improve myself each day. I want my life to be as clean as earth right after rain; I want to be the best I can and live with God again...

"And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love, and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel. And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true."
(Mosiah 4:11-12)

I think I know why Nephi wrote so much of the words of Isaiah -- for truly I can relate. "My soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children. Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard" and felt (2 Nephi 4:15-16). So much to ponder, to much to feel, so much to Remember. All captured in the noble words of the prophets of God. I can say nothing to compare. My soul soars at the sound of His sweet voice.

Tonight I had the privilege of attending the baptismal service of one of the girls who lives upstairs. She is a beautiful daughter of Heavenly Father. She declared that she knows God exists and that He knows her. He knew before she came here that she would come and be friends with such wonderful people who would share with her the fullness of Christ's gospel. He knew she would read The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ, and He knew she would feel and know its truthfulness.

I wonder, I want my life to be so clean. I want my heart to be so pure. I want my hands to be so bright. I want my soul to be so near to His.

"The witness of the Holy Ghost, as born by those who know, has lifted me again to Thee, oh Father of my soul." Ah to always rejoice; to be filled with the love of God; to always retain a remission of my sins; to grow in the knowledge of Him; to grow in His glory; to grow and be as He is who created me; to be filled with that which is just and true. REPENTANCE

What a beautiful word! What a glorious principle! What a magnificent Gift!
Kingdoms! Principalities! and Powers!

Someone mentioned how sweet and simple and short was the actual baptism ordinance. Another commented on the work, faith, committments, repentance, and prayer required to prepare oneself for such a short and simple experience. That's how it is, really, isn't it. There was One who did it all for us already. He suffered the burden of all my sin so I might not suffer, if I will repent. His work was immense. The glory of salvation and exaltation is not easily won. Yet for us it is so simple. So simple and so sweet. Oh, Repentance.

"He is the light and life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death...And now, ought ye not to tremble and repent of you sins, and remember that only in and and through Christ ye can be saved?...Teach them that redemption cometh through Christ the Lord, who is the very Eternal Father. Amen." (Mosiah 16:9, 13, 15)

Amen and Amen. I love Him. I serve Him. I will Repent. I will Remember Him. Amen and Amen.

Yet

2008-04-10T16:14:00.001-06:00

"The only way to overcome fear is by testifying. Fear is darkness; it comes because you don’t understand the light you have in you. You can tell the adversary to depart, and he MUST depart. Ask the Lord to have that darkness leave. Like the brother of Jared when he was building the boats, you must say, “Father, I do have some fears.” But then you must tell Him your plan – what it is that you will do. You want to be touched by His light. Tell Him that you’re going to be obedient, that you will pray to Him. You may have some dark moments in this prayer because He wants you to feel deeply. But your testimony, when you give it, is light, and the fear is dispelled, and people will feel it. That’s the power that you have been endowed with."

--Elder Robert D. Hales to missionaries in the Willammette zone Oregon Portland Mission, February 4, 2007

REPENTANCE: Another Word

2008-04-01T21:00:00.003-06:00

The Parable of the Land Cruiser
by Sister Elizabeth Gessel

There once was a wealthy entrepreneur who went on a safari to Africa. During the course of his travels, he came upon an isolated village where life was extremely harsh. The source of water had dried up for this community; consequently, the inhabitants had to travel long distances to find water in order to survive. Additionally, it was a three days’ journey by foot to take their goods to market, and many times the roads were impassable because of mud, rocks, and other debris. This generous, kind man returned to the states and bought a beautiful Toyota Land Cruiser, complete with all the bells and whistles, and had it shipped to the village for their use.

The villagers were excited when the vehicle arrived. They had never seen anything quite like it in their lives. They held a big ceremony to commemorate the Toyota, and gave the shiny key to the chief to wear as a prized necklace. Since they had no idea what an automobile was, it remained in the town square, unused.

Each year they would have a big celebration where they would decorate the Land Cruiser and dance around it to commemorate the day it had arrived. Occasionally when the monsoons came, stranded people would use it as a place of refuge. Villagers eventually took pieces of the vehicle to use – tires made tables and floor mats worked well in the huts with dirt floors. Others took whatever they could get, hoping that little pieces of fabric might bring them good luck. But the real gifts – mobility and easier access to the necessities of living – were never used because the primitive people simply had no way to access and utilize what the vehicle offered.

--What pieces of the Ultimate Gift am I using? How can I learn to access the fullness of its intent? Who do I know that needs to be taught how to “drive?”

Unanswered Yet?

2008-03-31T23:43:00.000-06:00

(beautifully penned by Ophelia G. Adams)

Unanswered yet?
The prayer your lips have pleaded
In agony of heart these many years?
Does faith begin to fail, is hope departing,
And think you all in vain those falling tears?
Say not the Father hath not heard you prayer;
You shall have your desire, sometime, somewhere,
You shall have your desire,
Sometime, Somewhere.

Unanswered yet?
Though when you first presented
This one petition at the Father’s throne,
It seemed you could not wait the time of asking,
So urgent was your heart to make it known.
Though years have passed since then, do not despair;
The Lord will answer you, sometime, somewhere,
The Lord will answer you,
Sometime, Somewhere.

Unanswered yet?
Nay, do not say ungranted;
Perhaps your part is not yet wholly done;
The work began when first your prayer was uttered,
And God will finish what he has begun.
If you will keep the spirit burning there,
His glory you shall see, sometime, somewhere,
His glory you shall see,
Sometime, Somewhere.

Unanswered yet?
Faith cannot be unanswered;
Her feet were firmly planted on the rock;
Amid the wildest storm prayer stands undaunted,
Nor quails before the loudest thunder shock.
She knows Omnipotence has heard her prayer,
And cries, “It shall be done,” sometime, somewhere,
And cries, “It shall be done,”
Sometime, Somewhere.

Reflections on a Word

2008-03-30T19:38:00.002-06:00

REMEMBER...
On August 26, 2008, I embarked upon the greatest adventure, and the greatest Gift, of my mortal sojourn so far. As I separated from my family in the infamous “MTC separation room” I gave each a final hug. Was I sad? Perhaps a smidge. Frightened? Certainly if I thought about it. Anxious? You better believe it. Happy? You bet. Excited? More than at any previous point in my life. So what were the parting words of my father as he held me for the last time? What was his advice as I entered the greatest work of all eternity? “Remember,” he said.

“Remember the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It’s not all up to you. Remember, remember Him.”

So did I, do I? Well, now that’s the question. I took that one word, REMEMBER, and I etched it in “the fleshy tables of the heart.” I also wrote it in big, black, permanent-marker letters on the back of my name tag. The badge that would, for more than a year, be a token of my sacrifice, my service to His name. Would I remember?

Imagine for a moment a tender scene. A large family is gathered: it must be a momentous occasion. There is much excitement in the air, but something else – a touch of sadness, perhaps some uncertainty. Still, it is overall a very joyous gathering. It seems someone is leaving – a very special member of this family is about to embark on a great adventure. There are sights to see, feelings to experience, lessons to learn. Now and then a tear sparkles from an eye as hugs are shared and loving, lifting words are spoken. At last, the final farewell – Father comes forward. As He embraces His beloved child, He whispers a few words of congratulations, love, encouragement, and comfort. With a hug, He sends His little one off, having perfect faith in the plan the child has accepted. Now imagine the departing child is you. You don’t remember this scene, but in some way it was played out before your arrival in mortality. As you left your Heavenly parents’ presence, you were undoubtedly thrilled about the coming journey, but perhaps a little unsure of what it would be like. How you loved your family and your home in heaven! How you longed to return with glory and honor! What words did you loving Father speak as you left His side? I don’t know for certain, but I can imagine. Perhaps it was just one word. One word – REMEMBER.

As children of a glorious Heavenly Father, what are we to remember? I’m sure He means for us to remember that once we lived with Him. That we were not, however, like Him, and could not become unless a plan was presented for our progression. We ought to remember that a vital part of our progression is the grand gift of Agency, a gift He granted us through His Son’s sacrifice when once we counseled with Him in the heavens and chose to follow His perfect plan. We certainly can look around us at the beauty of the world and remember the greatness of our God in creating the earth and all things in, on, and around it. We definitely should remember our first parents, Adam and Eve, who made the magnanimous Choice to leave Eden and pave the way for our entrance to this world.

As another righteous father taught his children, we must “Remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, [as surely he will!] yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall” (Helaman 5:12). Remember above all that when the Father put forth His plan in the premortal councils, there was One, the First-born of the Father, who agreed to make it all possible. Though we would not be perfect (and that too must be remembered), He would descend below us all, take upon Him the sins of all mankind, and overpower death and hell. He would triumph. He did triumph! Remember, Remember Him. Remember the sublime gift of repentance – the change that comes through the grace of our Savior and the mercy of our Father that makes our hands clean and our hearts pure. Oh, remember!

Remember too that we would not be alone. No, never alone. As we are eternally part of God’s family, He would organize us into families here on the earth to lift and strengthen one another. The Father granted us the supernal gift of prayer. He will never desert us. And through the beautiful prayer of faith of one young man, you and I in this day live in the “dispensation of the fullness of times.” The Father has given us His word in the written scriptures and through the teachings of modern prophets. We know what to Remember. And through the Restoration of all things, we have the power of God to bind together “all things in one in Christ” (Ephesians 1:10). If we but prove faithful, the remembering (and the glory) will never end.

Remember, oh remember that His promises are sure. Remember that a place was prepared for further growth and preparation after this life. And then, glory of glories! The promised time will come. The Son will reign in power and light on the earth. He will come with healing in His wings, and bring with Him the righteous of ancient days. Resurrection, Immortality, Exaltation. His promises are sure. Indeed, “How glorious is the voice we hear from heaven, proclaiming in our ears, glory, and salvation, and honor, and immortality, and eternal life; kingdoms, principalities, and powers!” (D&C 128:23)

Hearken back to our initial imagination. Now we have a similar scene, but there is no sadness, only joyful anticipation. You’re coming home – how will it be? Did you remember? If you did, I have no doubt the reunion will be wonderful. Who will be there to greet you? What will you say? When you come before the Father, if you have remembered, you will fall at His feet, and He will bless you.

And I served. I prayed and served. Every day was a new and exciting adventure. Each night was joyful anticipation of the coming day. The challenges, the opportunities, the blessings. Oh, yes I remembered. How could I not? And I looked forward to the day I would return to my loving earthly father. I would walk toward him; he would open his arms; we would embrace. Then I would look him in the face and with tears of hope and gladness say, “Yes, Daddy, yes I remembered. I wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t always successful. I was ever-faithful. Ever-faithful to the memory of our Eternal Father’s perfect plan and His Son’s wondrous sacrifice. Ever-faithful to the sacred trust they and you and so many others had placed in me as the Lord’s messenger. Ever-faithful to the truth I have been taught. Yes, I remembered.

It is the eternal memory of those days and the ones to come that live burning in my heart. “Oh remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it” (Mosiah 2:41).

Words

2008-03-11T09:55:00.002-06:00

REMEMBER...
FAITH...
TRUTH...
COVENANT...
REPENTANCE...
GRACE...
UNITY...
GIFT...
REMEMBER

Chosen by God

2006-07-10T09:21:00.000-06:00

To serve Him below...To all the people of Portland, Oregon I'll go!

Dear Sister [Chicken Dust's real name],

We welcome you to full-time missionary service to proclaim the gospel of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and to help build His kingdom on earth. We trust that you will savor the honor and privilege of bringing souls to the Master by losing yourself in the work.

As you continue to read and study the scriptures, you will increase your personal knowledge and testimony of the Savior and His gospel. You will be motivated to be obedient and to work hard. You will learn to be led by the Spirit so that you can teach and testify with converting power.

The Savior taught:

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God" (D&C 18:10).

"Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest. And he that
reapeth receiveth wages, and gathereth fruit unto life eternal: that both he that soweth and
he that reapeth may rejoice together" (John 4:35-36).

May you find everlasting joy in your service to your Father in Heaven, His Beloved Son, and the people to whom you minister.

Faithfully your Brethren,

The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

A Marvelous Work

2006-06-16T12:37:00.000-06:00

I went to the Missionary Training Center the other night to volunteer as an "investigator" to help new missionaries practice giving lessons. I'll admit I probably went with a slightly bad attitude (I was volunteered to be in charge of the activity and not allowed to plan any of it, but required to show up), but I've repented. It was well worth the time and effort to show up.

The first set of missionaries was brand new and although they did a fine job for their first time, I'm afraid I was slightly antagonistic. I chatted with my partner for a few minutes after they left, and then the second companionship knocked on the door. We let them in and they suggested we start by having a prayer. After briefly explaining the Latter-day Saint view of prayer, they asked if we would allow one of them to offer a prayer; of course we agreed. The missionaries then moved to their knees. They suggested that if we felt comfortable doing so, we could join them, otherwise it was fine to remain sitting. I was touched by their humility and openess with the Lord.

We started the lesson and I was prone to ask "hard" questions. Shortly in, however, one of the missionaries bore testimony of the role of Jesus Christ as Savior and then asked me to read a scripture. He explained that it was from the Book of Mormon, which is another testament of Jesus Christ recorded anciently by prophets in the Americas. As I read from Mosiah the testimony of King Benjamin that Christ truly would come to redeem his people and suffer pains and afflictions of every kind, I could not deny it. I had no further desire to "test" the missionaries; I just wanted to hear what they had to say. I wanted to feel more of that sacred spirit. The Book of Mormon is so wonderful! I can't even count the number of times I have read it, but I felt again its truthfulness and converting power. The minute I held that book in my hands and started to read, the Spirit flooded the room; I felt it, and I hope they felt it as well.

I asked how one could know what was right in today's world -- I knew the answer, but I wanted so much to hear it. The missionaries then moved to an explanation of prophets and authority. I've heard it a million times since before I even started primary, but the doctrine is so beautiful. Prophets on the earth today! I was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting, knowing what was coming as they started to tell about a 14-year-old boy who asked God which church was right. Just as one elder started to quote Joseph Smith History, the bell rang, signifying time to switch rooms. I snapped my fingers and said (rather loudly), "darn, we were just getting to the best part!" And I really meant it. They quickly concluded, and got up to leave. They asked how they had done and what they could improve upon. I said they were wonderful.

What I really wanted to say though, was more. I wanted to ask if they were excited, because this stuff is amazing! It seems so incredible, how can anyone believe that a 14-year-old boy saw God the Father and Jesus Christ, that he received a sacred record inscribed on gold plates from an angel and then translated the words on the plates? But it's true! It's true! I hope every time those elders teach the lesson of Joseph Smith's First Vision, they get excited. I get excited just thinking about it. As Heb put it later, I walked out of that room wanting to jump up, punch the air with my fist, and shout, "Yes! This church is true! I want to get baptized!" This is wonderful stuff! What a blessing it is to know the doctrines and principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I hope I never let it become routine for me, because anytime my heart is open, the Spirit will testify. And it feels so great!

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints truly contains the fulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ on the earth. Prophets are on the earth today, and they hold the keys and authority to administer in the name of Christ. The Book of Mormon is true, and its power lies in the convincing of all people that Jesus is the Christ. What a marvel!

If I wasn't LDS...

2006-05-12T14:12:00.000-06:00

...I think I'd be Methodist, just so I could claim Charles Wesley.

Love Divine:

Love Divine, all loves excelling, Joy of heaven to earth come down,
Fix in us Thy humble dwelling, All thy faithful mercies crown.
Jesus, Thou aret all compassion, Pure unbounded love thou art;
Visit us with Thy salvation, Enter every trembling heart.

Breathe, O breathe Thy loving Spirit Into every troubled breast,
Let us all in Thee inherit, Let us find that second rest;
Take away the desire for sinning, Alpah and Omega be,
End of faith as its beginning, Set our hearts at liberty.

Come, Almighty to deliver, Let us all Thy life receive;
Suddenly return, and never, Never more Thy temples leave.
Thee we would be always blessing, Serve Thee as Thy hosts above;
Pray, and praise Thee, without ceasing, Glory in Thy perfect love.

Finish then Thy new creation: Pure and spotless let us be;
Let us see Thy great salvation, Perfectly restored in Thee;
Changed from glory into glory, Till in heaven we take our place,
Till we cast our crowns before Thee, Lost in wonder, love and praise!

Images Worshipped

2006-04-21T10:20:00.000-06:00

The images men worship are not just of stone and clay;
They make idols of their own success and walk their way
Day by day they wander with hearts set on the world;
Their pride and greed replace the need to trust the Lord

But we could have faith, we would be strong
If He was the power we relied upon
He's the only one with power to save,
So we pledge today that we will walk His way
Beginning now, we vow to walk His way.

He is the path we follow, He's the only one we serve;
We find happiness in His success and trust His word.
He is our loving Father, with strength and power to save,
With all our soul we choose this day to walk His way.

And as we have faith we will be strong,
For He is the power we rely upon
He's the only one with power to save,
So we pledge today that we will walk His way
Beginning now we vow to walk His way.
(Walk His Way by S. Jones)

Victoria Anderson said it a different way in the March 2006 Ensign with an article entitled, "Filling the Void." The basic premise of her discussion was that we all have a void in our lives which our relationship with our Father in Heaven filled in the pre-mortal realms. Here on earth, however, we often draw away from Him and then attempt to fill the void we feel with worldly ideas or habits. I ask myself, then, how do I fill my void, or, what idols do I worship?

-my intelligence
-my ignorance (it seems silly, but somehow I hold fast to my lack of knowledge about certain areas when I should really just ask and not be afraid to get an answer; God giveth liberally to those who seek in humility)
-my "comfort zone"
-pride
-FEAR

And others, of course, but that is a daunting enough list as it is. I think I've learned over the last few years, however that one can't simply root out weaknesses. I can't just will myself to make the "idols" go away or to stop worshipping them. I have the first cram the void so full of good things that when I pull out some of the false worship, I have something in that spot so the emptiness doesn't get filled with more idol worship. That means the Sunday School pat answers. Yep, pray and read your scriptures. I keep trying to regain that close relationship with my Heavenly Father; without it, the pride and fear just seem to consume me. I'm still far from perfect, but I'm trying to live so that I can say, HE is the one I worship, He's the ONLY one I serve.

All Blessings to Impart

2006-04-16T20:11:00.000-06:00

Happy Easter everyone.

I wish first to share one of my very favorite scriptures: "Listen to Him who is the advocate with the Father, who is pleading your cause before him--Saying: Father, behold the sufferings and death of him who did no sin, in whom thou was will pleased; behold the blood of thy Son which was shed, the blood of him whom thou gavest that thyself might be glorified; Wherefore, Father spare these my brethren that believe on my name, that they may come unto me and have everlasting life" (D&C 45:3-5)

I declare with all the energy of my soul that I know Jesus is the Christ. He is my Savior and Redeemer. It was He who in the councils of heaven stood and answered the call of the Father for a Savior, One who would leave His thrones above, descend below all men, and fulfill the will of the Father in ALL things. He had so perfected Himself as to rise to the level of godhood in the premortal realm, and He loved the Father and us so much as to sacrifice all to become the Savior of man. He was the Jehovah of the Old Testament, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He led His people Israel out of bondage in Egypt to a land of promise. He too was the God of Lehi, Nephi, Jacob, Alma, and the Book of Mormon peoples.

He came to earth as Jesus of Nazareth. I testify that He who was the first-born son of Mary was and is the literal Only Begotten Son of the Father in the flesh. From His mother he inherited mortality, the ability to feel the pains, temptations, and afflictions of mankind, and the ability to die. From His father He inherited power over the elements, even death. He lived among men in Jerusalem and Galilee, teaching, preaching, and healing. He called followers and gave them power to be apostles, to carry on His work after His death. He loved and served. At the end of His mortal ministry He suffered, bled and died for the salvation of mankind. I cannot fathom the anguish that caused Him, "even God, the greatest of all, to tremble becasue of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit--and would that [He] might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink" (D&C 19:18). But "glory be to the Father" He did, He suffered and He died, and He lived again. He became the Messiah, the Savior and Redeemer of all mankind. I praise and honor Him and will ALWAYS remember Him for His glorious sacrifice on my behalf.

After His death and resurrection, He appeared first to His apostles and others of His disciples in Jerusalem, then to the Nephites on the American continent. He has again returned in these latter-days to the boy prophet Joseph Smith to usher in this the dispensation of the fullness of times. He speaks today through living prophets to the people of His church and to the whole world.

I testify that Jesus is the Christ. He lived, died, and lives today. This truth I surely know. He stands at the head of His church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He is my Savior and Redeemer. To Him I give my whole heart, might, mind and strength. I will never forget what He has done for me. I KNOW THAT MY REDEEMER LIVES!

Men and Marriage

2006-04-15T18:21:00.000-06:00

As is not uncommon in the community in which I reside, I have been recently surrounded by couples, specifically engaged couples. I am extremely happy for the vast majority of them, and wish each couple the very best in their future lives together. With the recent General Conference address by Elder Nelson on the sanctity of marriage and the abundance of soon-to-be-married couples in the area, I have been encouraged to think on my idea of what marriage should be, and if it were possible, come up with an idea of my "ideal man". Oh boy.

I am thoroughly loyal to the extreme, once my loyalty is bestowed. To the man I will call my husband I would give everything. My life, my body, my desires, my personal comforts, my hopes and dreams for the future, and my complete love and devotion. I will obey and honor and serve him. I will bear and raise his children amid physical, mental, and emotional pain and anguish (plenty of joy too though). I will put my plans on hold to follow him where school or work takes us. I will cook and clean and decorate and garden and work day in and day out to create for him a home worthy of a king. I will support him in his church callings and encourage him to honorably serve with the Priesthood. I will listen to his worries and complaints about his job and support and encourage him in all his educational/carreer endeavors. I will work by his side and then stand back when he needs to shine. I will cheer and applaud his efforts to serve the Lord, lead his family in love and righteousness, and serve in the community. I will make myself beautiful and desireable to him. All this I will do and try to fulfill my own callings and broaden my mind and cultivate my talents. I will defer to him as Patriarch in our home; I will counsel with him on important family decisions, but the final say will be his. I will support him in such and teach our children to do the same. All this I will do and more - I will literally give my entire life - for the man I marry.

All I ask is one thing in return: I ask that he be my master.

He must first be willing to allow me to give him everything; he must be the man who will be the patriarch in our home. But there is a second part of being a master, and it is this that he must carefully fulfill. Jesus said, "And whoesoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all." I would ask of my husband that he preside in the way the Lord has prescribed (indeed, the way He has shown). "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Ephesians 5:25). I find it singularly interesting that the marriage relationship is the one most often used to provide an analogy for the relationship of Christ to the Church. (Christ is repeatedly called the Bridegroom throughout the New Testament and in other scripture.) It is interesting to make the comparison from marriage to Christ, but perhaps equally enlightening is to consider the things Jesus has done for his people and compare that back to how marriage can and ought to work. Jesus Christ lived and died, and lives today, in service to mankind, most especially the saints, those who would allow Him to be their Lord and Master. He is the clear Head of the church. He commands and expects obedience from His people. Despite His obvious authority, all is done in love and in the best interest of mankind rather than for an selfish motives whatsoever.

Perhaps my favorite story dealing with this matter is found in St John 13:3-14. "Jesus...riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded...So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? You call me Master and Lord" and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that ye should do as I have done to you...If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them." I want a depiction of this sacred act hanging in a prominent place in my home as a reminder. If my husband will stoop down to help me put my shoes on take out the garbage or gently brush my hair...if he will bring me flowers (even dandylions or morning glory) and hold my hand and tell me I'm beautiful...if he will lead with determination but try ever so diligently to be gentle...if he will hold me when I cry and say "I'm sorry" whether he caused the pain or not...if he will do all these things and lead in love and righteousness, constantly seeking the Lord's guidance through prayer, then I will be the luckiest woman alive.

I want a man who will allow me to be tender, a man who will appreciate my natural ability to be nurturing and kind, a man who will face the harsh realities of the world and fight the battles of society, doing his best to protect me and our children and provide for us a safe home. In return I will love and serve him second only to the Lord; I will praise him in his abilities and defend him against any who may be inclined to find fault with him; I will love and serve his children and teach them to walk in the ways of truth; I will create of the house he provides a home, a haven, a safe place that is apart from the world. Neither of us will be perfect, but we shouldn't expect that of ourselves or each other. President Packer believes (from personal experience) that a couple can live together happily for more than forty years without a single major argument. I believe it too, and hope and will work for it. That is what I want.

President Hinckley said: "The family is divine. It was institued by our Heavenly Father. It encompasses the most sacred of all relationships. Only through its organization can the purposes of the Lord be fulfilled...I believe in the family where there is a husband who regards his companion as his greatest asset and treats her accordingly; where there is a wife who looks upon her husband as her anchor and strength, her comfort and security; where there are children who look to mother and father with respect and gratitude; where there are parents who look upon those children as blessings and find a great and serious and wonderful challenge in their nurture and rearing."

Yes, I too believe in marriage and family. I too know that they are insituted by God, the Eternal Father, who delights in our happiness and seeks our eternal exaltation. In His divine plan, families play a vital role. Let me never forget their divine purpose and seek to prepare myself for the great covenant of marriage.

Because I Have Been Given Much

2006-04-12T16:51:00.000-06:00

Indeed I have:

Food, and lots of it -- those who have seen under my bed are amazed; those who haven't would be if they could see it. Suffice it to say that I won't starve ever! At least not for a year or so. And it's good food too, most of it even rather tasty.
Awesome roommates, enough said. They are great and I truly do love them both, but particularly my actual room-mate. She is a hoot, and we agree on everything important.
A healty sense of humor, and the most superior ability to snort just like a pig.
My name, let's face it -- life would be a whole lot worse if I had dimwitted parents who named me something ridiculous like Apple, Happiness, or Nancy Ann Seahancey (say it aloud).
Job, not only can I work, but I have wonderful co-workers. I complain often about my job, but in reality I am so grateful for the continual blessing it is in my life. I make enough money to support myself, save for future needs, and far beyond. My boss is a sweetheart, the work I do is more than tolerable, and the atmosphere is one of mutual support and encouragement. Everyone wants me to succeed, and they go out of their way to help it happen.
I know who I am, not only do I know that I am a daughter of God, but I truly know what it means to be so. I have never (not ONCE in my life) had to question what my stand is on moral issues. I understand the sacred nature of gender and the power of procreation. I am confident that I have the ability to be beautiful and wonderful. In a world of ever-shifting (read falling) moral values, I am realizing what a rare and precious gift this is. I repeat, I know that I am a daughter of God, and I know the joys of being a virtuous woman.
My apartment, while there are so many who live in cardboard boxes or less (or junky college apartments with nasty management), I have a beautiful place close to campus in a nice neighborhood, with a wonderful landlord. I can truly call it home (thanks in large part of course to my roommates). It is warm on cold days and pleasant in hot weather. I have running water (hot or cold), electricity, even a washer and dryer and a dishwasher. It's beautiful.
Clothes, I did laundry last week after five weeks of not -- would you believe I have enough outfits to go more than a month without doing any wash? That's just sick.
Family, I love them. I have been told repeatedly by many sources, some more authoritative than others, that I have been born of very goodly parents; guess what, it's true! And I love have four sisters, they are all great. Plus my brothers are each a blessing to me as well. I was taught in my youth to keep the commandments of God; we all were, and we have not departed from it. Yep, I love them and feel blessed beyond measure that they are all as wonderful and supportive of me as they are.
School, I miss it, but I'm glad to still be in the atmosphere of college studying. It's such a delight to hear and learn from such knowledgable professors in an environment conducive to academic and spiritual growth. We are truly blessed that the Church continues to sponsor such a highly respected university.
Friends, I have more than I can count. And enough really dear ones to sustain me through anything. You guys are great!! You visit me at work, invite me to lunch, give me happy phone calls and emails, and always have a hug. I love you too.
Freedom, I was born in the greatest country on the face of the earth (I think). My patriotism is as much a blessing to me as it is a duty. I love the freedom to think, believe, worship, and learn. I don't live in fear of bombs and gunfire or rape and beatings. I don't really even know what the word oppression means. I can say what I want and support others in doing the same.
Spring and flowers, the Lord's creations are truly magnificent!
Health, I can't even begin to think about all the health problems I DON'T have. It's such a blessing to be able to sleep at night and wake up the next morning. I can hike the stairs to work, and up and down them several times a day during work. I can breathe, and I can laugh. I am blessed!
Prayer, the privilege of addressing my Father in Heaven. It is a supremely divine gift.
Intelligence, My mind is sharp and I learn quickly. What's more, I am surrounded by opportunities to learn and grow. I have the privilege of university studies (and a wonderful university it is too) as well as academic freedom. There are books, articles, and essays at every turn. So much to see, do, hear, and know, and so much of it uplifting and inspiring.
Laughter, and lots of it.
Temples, one so close and many others around the world. Regular attendance blesses my life so richly and the whole world is elevated by temple worship in their presence. Therein I am reminded of the eternal picture, especially who I am, and Who God is.
Little Red, my wagon - it's so perfect for walking to the grocery store and carrying my stuff home in. It even has all-terrain wheel. Cool.
My Piano, what a blessing. Thanks Dad. Music helps make my house a home, and indeed it has done just that and blessed me so much.
Scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon. Daily study brings blessings beyond measure and light and truth as well.

Above all else, My Testimony of Jesus Christ. I know beyond any doubt that He is MY Savior and MY Redeemer, and he is yours. He loves me, and He will always love me. If I lose or I win, I will always love Him. For I know He will bless me, but if not, I will still trust Him. For it is in loving and trusting Him that I find true happiness. I do not doubt that I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. Because I know Who He is, and who I am, I am indeed more blessed than nearly all of His other children. It is because I have been given THAT much, that I want to go forth with faith to serve Him and proclaim His word, so that all people everywhere may know as I know.

How Gentle God's Commands

2006-03-08T17:38:00.000-07:00

It seems a regular occurance with me that I get this idea of something I think will be really great. I start to do it, and halfway through, it changes completely, often becoming shorter and simpler but better, much better. It happens to me quite regulary when I'm writing (including blogging), but I've had occasional experiences where it is an action, or something I am trying to explain that changes entirely once I start. For example, last night.

I was feeling in the mood to pray; I wanted to pray long and hard, and perhaps wax eloquent in my words to the Father. I wanted to rededicate myself to doing His will in all things, and I wanted to be good (if that makes any sense). So, I found a place where I could be alone and it was quiet. I got on my knees, and I started out with the regular things. I'm, ashamed to admit that it was a bit "vain repetitious" but my heart was sincere in my desire to change some things in my life. The trick was, I didn't know what needed to be changed. I prayed to know by the Spirit how I could better serve; I told the Lord that I wanted to dedicate myself to him. Then I stopped. Somehow I knew what to pray for, so I did. I asked for help in one simple area. I promised that I wouldn't just try to fulfill my obligations, I would. I simply said that I would.

I made a sacred promise, a covenant of sorts that I would do this ONE thing every day without fail. And I felt the spirit whisper that if I kept my part of the bargain, God would bless me with an added measure of His Spirit. I promised. I asked. And today, I reported that I had been true to my promise so far. This is my personal covenant with God, and I must be accountable for maintaining my side of the deal. And I know that His promises are sure.

How gentle are the commandments of God. "And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive" (Alma 7:23, emphasis added).

Among all the attributes he commands us to have, right with patience, humility, and diligence, God commands us to ASK. That doesn't mean being demanding and telling the Lord everything we need/want and expecting that it be granted immediately. Remember, the commandment to ask is nestled among the commandments of humility and patience, but it is nonetheless His desire that we ask of Him.

I have long been of the opinion that it is wrong to break our wills to do what the Lord wills. Rather, we ought to "bend" our wills to become ONE with His will. Then we do not need to give up anything we want to serve the Lord, because we want only to serve Him; that is how we become like He is. (As a side note, sometimes this opinion gets me in trouble, because I flatly refuse to do anything I don't want to. This can be problematic as I have not yet reached the exalted station in which my will is perfectly aligned with the Father's, so I'm not suggesting that we never sacrifice what we want to obey the commands of the Father, but that we should be striving to make our lives such that what we want is exactly the same thing the Lord would command.) As we become thus as He is, our asking becomes less of a demand and more of a desire to align our lives with Him by keeping our covenants. We then ask for knowledge and understanding, compassion and charity so that we can better serve Him and His children, because the is what we want.

Essentially, I've decided that I liked the way my prayer went last night; I want more like that. It wasn't necessarily pretty, and I didn't make all the reports and give all the eloquent praise I had intended, but I was led by the Spirit. It seemed that the Spirit was telling me what I should ask for, and then blessing me for asking it. Indeed, how gentle are God's commands.

A Reminder

2006-01-29T18:28:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to be like Jesus
I'm following in His ways
I trying to love as He did
In all that I do and say.
At times I am tempted
to make a wrong choice
But I try to listen
as the still small voice whispers
Love one another as Jesus loves you
Try to show kindness in all that you do
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought
For these are the things Jesus taught.

I'm trying to love my neighbor
I'm learning to serve my friends
I watch for the day of gladness
When Jesus will come again
I try to remember
the lessons He taught
Then the Holy Spirit
enters into my thoughts saying
Love one another as Jesus loves you
Try to show kindness in all that you do
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought
For these are the things Jesus taught.

SSP

2006-01-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

I work in financial services, not financial aid, just for clarification. Everybody gets the two confused, and while I get tired of explaining the difference, I can understand their misunderstanding. We really like to make things difficult in the administration. Anyhow, because they confuse us, I've learned a lot about financial aid over the years. One thing I do know is about SAP. That's Satisfactory Academic Progress. You have to pass at least 70% of you classes each semester to qualify for federal aid; if you fail or drop too many classes, no money for you.

I said something at work the other day; it was just a passing comment to one of my coworkers, but the fact that it slipped from my lips so easily and naturally bothers me even more. I've felt really bad about it, and it's made me re-evaluate my attitudes about a lot of things. Sometimes I feel like I'm struggling with SSP (that's Satisfactory Spiritual Progress (see, the first paragraph does sort of apply)) or my lack thereof. I don't believe the Lord holds up some sort of "Celestial measuring-stick" to see if we "qualify" for heavenly aid, but I feel like he probably requires some sort of satisfactory change in our lives. That's what true repentance is - a permanent change of heart. So if I'm not really changing my attitude, I can go through all the motions perfectly, but it doesn't matter.

See, in financial aid, you can keep your money just for going to class. If you fail one semester, they may not give you more money for the next term, but if you prove you attended classes and took the final, you get to keep the money they already gave you (as opposed to charging you back if you don't attend). But the Lord's measures are of course different. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." He requires more. In order to meet SSP, we have to let go of past transgressions, change our hearts, purify our thoughts, keep His commandments, and then rely on His grace to make us clean. There is no 'good enough'; "no unclean thing can dwell with God." I shouldn't really call it Satisfactory spiritual progress.

Mosiah commanded men to "[yield] to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and [put] off the natural man and [become] a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord." Perhaps I need to step back and rededicate myself to this task. I'm going along, seeing that I have been improving, changing, and indeed I have. On a 70% pass rule, I may not be perfect, but perhaps I have achieved SSP. But that's not good enough. SSP isn't what I want; it's not how I measure my life. It's time I refocused myself to putting of my natural doubts and fears and start trusting a little more in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Through Him, through His infinite atoning sacrifice, I become a saint.

And really, with the prospects of Eternal Life ahead of me, the enticings of SSP pale in comparison. Exaltation is my aim, and it is just going to require a little more effort, a little more dedication, and a lot more faith and trust.

Thanks, Friends

2006-01-17T18:10:00.000-07:00

That (meaning the previous post) said, I must say to so many of you, that you have truly affected my life for the better. Perhaps had I not met you, I would have met someone else who could teach me much, if I let them, but the simple fact is, I met you. You each touched me in a way that only you could. And that has made all the difference.

To you who are my friends, I say, Thank You. You have taught me how to love, and you have shown me how I can be loved. You gave me hope in those moments when I thought there could be none found anywhere. It is because of you that I can say I have learned to live life with enthusiasm. I've heard it said that a friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and sings it back to you when you have forgotten the tune. You make a lovely chorus. Thanks, friends.

I can't begin to thank each of you personally, and this public forum is hardly the place I would do it if I could. But if you are a true friend, you know who you are. Whatever I may say about my life's choices, know that I have never for a moment regretted knowing you. Because I knew you, I have become a better person. You have helped me along the way to my eternal goal. Sister Lucy Mack Smith said, "We must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain instruction that we may all sit down in heaven together." I look forward to the day that we can all sit down in heaven together. Thanks, friends.

All the Difference

2006-01-16T12:32:00.000-07:00

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return. Well I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you...So much of me is made of what I learned from you; you'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end, know you have rewritten mine by being my friend...Like a commet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun, like a stream that meets a boulder, halfway through the wood, who can say if I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good." (From the Broadway musical, Wicked)

This post is about attitudes. So many people teach that we are who we are because of our circumstances. I don't believe it. Robert Frost wrote:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
OhI kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diveged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
(The Road Not Taken)

We make choices, each of us, that determine the path we will walk in this life. For some choices, there is a right and a wrong. To choose something that is contrary to the commandments of God would be wrong, whatever that choice entails. (For example, while there may not be a specific occupation that is right, to earn one's living through immoral or unethical means would be wrong. Similarly, whether or not to attend a certain party tonight may not be of eternal consequence unless it involves actions prohibited by the Lord.) Still, as Elder Oaks has taught, "The Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts--what we have done. It is an acknowledgement of the final effect of our acts and thoughts--what we have become.” (“The Challenge to Become,” Liahona, Jan. 2001, 40)

Our choices lead us down paths (which way leads on to way, such that we seldom return); the paths we choose today do "make all the difference", but whether that difference is a positive or negative one is up to us. I decide what I will become! A scriptural example from Alma 62:41:
"But behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened becasued of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility." When I discovered this scripture some years ago, I wrote in the margin, "The trial itself is of little intrinsic value -> our ATTITUDE spurs growth" and cross-referenced Alma 32:14, which reads, "And now, as I said unto you that because ye were compelled to be humble ye were blessed, do ye not suppose that they are more blessed who truly humble themselves because of the word?"

I must admit, I have never appreciated being compelled to be humble. I'll admit, life is tough. And making the most of the experience we have here in mortality is what helps us to become what our Heavenly Father wants us to become. But I've never relished adversity, I've never prayed for a trial to gain humility. Maybe I'm just scared, but I take comfort from Alma's teaching that it is not necessary to be compelled to be humble. I pray that I may truly "humble [myself] because of the word." I hope this way to become humble without losing my enthusiasm. I want to be able to sing and shout, as the hymn says, and really SHOUT, not mumble as if it was a funeral procession, but sing with gusto the anthems of the Restoration.

But back to the original theme of my post. I have made choices throughout my life, a few of which I regret, and some of which I often wonder what would have happened had I chosen a different path. As I contemplate my life, however, I realize that "I'm who I am today because I knew the you" (you referring to both people and experiences in my life). I wouldn't trade the people I know for those I don't. I wouldn't trade the experiences I have had for those that I haven't. I wonder, what if I had chosen the other path? Yes, it would have made all the difference, I would have met different people, I would have known different things, and chances are I would have developed slighlty differently, but no matter. My choices detemine my circumstances, but my attitude determines if those differences be for the better or worse. I have my eye on Eternal Life. Thus, who I become would not change no matter where I lived or whom I met.

FYI (for you, losy)

2006-01-05T13:14:00.000-07:00

This is a picture drawn by Arnold Friberg. Notice that although Mormon is quite old, his arm is as big around as his head. If you could see his legs, they would no doubt be about the size of a regular man's chest. All of Arnold Friberg's pitures are like this. P.S. Where are the big words?

Roles

2005-12-30T08:41:00.000-07:00

I'm wearing mascara today.

I didn't do it because B bullied me, more because I know she's right. I need to do it.

Everyone lives with stress; life is tough, and we all need to find ways to cope with change and disappointment. I think I've learned that my #1 coping strategy is to fall perfectly into certain roles. I tend to resist the change all around me by sticking to given roles, no matter how antiquated or inappropriate they may be (though I tend to think that they are always the most appropriate way to respond). Since I have recently been following a gender roles controversy, I've been thinking alot about my opinions on the subject. I think I define my life by gender roles (at least by my idea of what those roles should be). But I have my reasons, more than just a coping strategy, for why I think it's important to remember that men and women are different. From The Family: A Proclamation to the World, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." In my humble (read correct) opinion, it doesn't get more authoritative than that. I readily admit that there is plenty to be said about the specifics of how men and women should act. This is what I believe.

I am firmly of the opinion that the vast majority of our society's ills could be cured if men and women would fall into their roles. Someone remarked that she didn't appreciate men opening doors for her or pulling her chair out because it just seemed to shout, "Here we are embracing our gender roles. In case you hadn't noticed." Well, pardon me, but what's wrong with that? Men aren't better than women, and women aren't better than men. Neither is "stronger" or "more spiritual" or anything else; we're just different. And to borrow a cliché, different is good. At least in this case it is. Men work and support their families. Women bear and raise children. Men seek out and date women. Women primp and try to be desirable. Men open doors, pull out chairs, help on with coats, carry the heavy stuff, and try to woo their chosen woman. Women cook dinner, make a house a home, bake yummy treats, clean up after men, and boost their chosen man's ego and moral. Men hold the Holy Priesthood and exercise it in righteousness, blessing the earth with God's word. Women support the priesthood by counseling with their husbands and with priesthood leaders and raising righteous boys and administering compassionate service. Together they complete each other; neither can stand alone and be whole.

I realize that not everyone fits the "mold" just perfectly. That's okay. All women don't have to knit and decorate cakes and make their own curtains. All men don't have to be obsessed with sports and have Arnold Frieberg arms. But each personality can fit with their specified gender roles. It's when people start confusing these important roles that problems start. Today women are ashamed/afraid of their femininity and men are monsters who have one of two views of women: a toy to be used for his sexual pleasure, or a work horse to be dominated and controlled. (These are general statements and do not apply to everyone, just the world as a whole.) No wonder our families are falling apart and our children are growing more and more confused.

I don't know just how to solve the world's problems by any means, so I don't know what to do to fix this great inequality in our society, but I have a few suggestions (read resolutions I intend to follow):

A return to chivalry - and I don't mean all the outward appearances so that men can pretend to be nice while all the while seeking to control women. I'm talking about the ideal, the heart of courtly love. Men fighting the world's battles to keep their women soft. If we're all callous, it will be a sad, sad world. I was a little disappointed that the movie strayed from the book here, but in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Aslan doesn't let the girls fight. Lucy doesn't get a dagger from Santa, and Aslan says to Susan and Lucy, "Battles are no place for women." (Not that I think everything C.S. Lewis writes is the mind and will of God, but he got a lot of things right, and I tend to like the way he says stuff.) I can see why the director edited that part of the story, though. Imagine trying to get that through Hollywood and then out to the general public; oh the uproar! Still, if we let them the little things like opening doors, sweeping any spider webs out, and helping on with a coat can be reminders of who we are and how we should treat each other with respect. This means that not only should men engage in these actions, but women should receive them graciously.

If you're still reading by now, I'll try to say something worth your effort. But I can't think of anything that would be worth your effort. Sorry. Truth is, I'm want to feel like I am beautiful, but I don't want a man who loves me because I'm pretty. B said yesterday, "It's okay. Someday you'll find the right man, and he'll love you even though you are beautiful." I think that's my all-time favorite quote. It's so ironic, but that's what I want. A man who will love me even though I am beautiful. It's for him that I'll wear make-up.

Make-up, huh?

2005-12-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

I just had the most random experience (though, while I think on it, something similar has happened many times before). Just outside the office where I work is an information desk. There are three different ladies who work shifts at the info desk. B just started a few months ago; I like her a lot. She is very friendly, and I've noticed that she carries herself with a grace and dignity that speaks of confidence. I envy her that grace. Perhaps that's why her words today have had such an effect on me; their effect is such that I can't stop thinking about it and I have been driven to blog about it.

I was taking my lunch, sitting on one of the benches in the lobby reading when B left her post at the info desk and came to sit next to me. She announced that she was going to interrupt my reading (hmmm, not even the slightest hint of apology for the interuption...oh well). I couldn't be bugged, however, because she proceeded to compliment me very highly. "I just wanted to tell you, Chicken Dust, that you are one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen." Wow, that was really nice. I thanked her sincerely and felt highly flattered. (The pick-me-up was very welcome today as I was feeling mostly less than presentable.) It's not so random for people to be nice, the crazy part was what followed. "You know, Chicken Dust, a little make-up would be wonderful...[lots of extoling the wonders of make-up]...most girls would love to have what you have to work with." Oh, but there's more. Apparently, B was a model in her younger years, and quite successful from what she was telling me. She then taught modeling and confidence classes here at the University. So all this was coming from an expert...I'm one of the prettiest girls she's ever seen. hmm, I don't know how I feel about that.

I know, I know, I should feel flattered (and a tiny part of me sort of wants to), but the rest of me rebels at the idea. This isn't the first time I've been approached in this way. When I was in high school I actually got a call from a modeling agency asking if I would like to model for a magazine. (They called me because one of the girls I went to school with worked for them and had brought in her yearbook, through which they searched looking for potential victims. Imagine, getting a call because of a yearbook picture! Indeed.) I have on occasion had complete strangers come up to me and tell me that I was really pretty; yes this totally weirds me out. Now, I realize this entire paragraph seems much like a boast, and maybe it is. I do feel like I am WAY too vain occasionally, but I don't really mean to say these things to convince anyone that I am good looking. If anyone reads this, it will be either my sisters or my good friends, and I have nothing to prove to them. I just have to recount these instances to give background for the opinions I am going to express.

I tried to maintain composure and respond gracefully to B's comments. I hope I succeeded. Basically, the truth is, though, that I don't want to be pretty. I avoid make-up and spending time on my hair as if it was a terrible plague bent on my destruction. Past experience has led me to believe that being admired for physical beauty only leads to pain. True, I'd love to be pretty and well-liked for my dazzling personality; however, since I don't believe I can have both, I absolutely refuse to be pretty. Anyone reading this should be familiar with my experience with one M who was determined to make me "popular"; for those who don't know to what I am referring, I'm happy to have you reading my blog - maybe I'll recount the story sometime. Anyhow, I've decided I like being plain. It's much less complicated.

There's a deeper, more painful, issue involved though. I'm perfect; I always have
been. At least by outward appearances. Few people can come up with a good reason for not liking me - I'm smart, I'm helpful, I'm responsible, I'm pretty, I'm talented, I'm nice, I'm "spiritual," I'm easy to get along with, ad nauseum. The problem with being perfect in what I do is that I don't really know who I am. I've never been able to adequately describe this insecurity, but I tried a little with my post about La Dama del Alba. Anyone else could do what I do )even if it takes several anyone's to accomplish it all), so I'm completely dispensible. What is my worth as an individual? It's sort of confusing. Not that I have a low self-esteem, I know That I am all of those things I listed above. The problem comes in that I have never not been all of the above, so I don't know what I would be if I wasn't "perfect." If that makes any sense. Which it doesn't, oh well.

All this simply to say that I don't really want to wear make-up; I AM silly. I think the fact that I've been all alone for the last two weeks is really getting to me. I miss my roommates, my coworkers, my customers, my neighbors, and pretty much everyone. It's lonely around these parts right now, and I'm letting it get to me. But I'm done with this silliness. I'm okay.

With or without junk on my face.

I Am Not Ashamed

2005-12-16T19:21:00.000-07:00

Shameless plug for a new movie: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is a MUST see. I promise, anyone with any sense of anything will enjoy it. I just returned from viewing said film, and I was intensely touched. There are so many wonderful truths encompassed by that story; truly, C.S. Lewis was a genius. This is just one of the many impressions I had while watching.

The first time Peter kills, he is devastated. He was being taunted by the wolves that he wouldn't actually use his sword, yadda, yadda, and there is great hesitation in his face. One wolf lunges on him, and basically impales himself on Peter's sword. When the wolf is rolled off of him, Peter's face registers shock and a bit of (dare I say) disgust. Aslan's reply? "Clean off your sword, Peter."

Aslan didn't kill for the sake of killing; it's not fun to him. But there is no remorse either for the destruction of an enemy. This got me thinking. In the movie, the enemy itself was represented by living creatures, in reality, people aren't actually the enemy. Killing another person is not like destruction of the evil force, so in real life we should still feel remorse for the necessity of sending an unprepared soul to meet werf's judgment (see Alma 48:23). But I should never feel regret about the cutting down of a true enemy. That means if there is evil in the world, I should fight it. As President Hinckley said, "Again, it is not enough that you retreat to your private cloister and pursue only your special private interests. Your strong voice is needed. The weight of you stance may be enough to tip the scales in the direction of truth."

Sometimes I feel guilty for condemning unrighteousness; I feel it is not my place, or I should be more patient, or something else. But Aslan taught me that when I see evil, I should not be afraid to pierce it to the heart, pull out my sword, and press forward never looking back. It's not something I should regret when I open my mouth to stop someone from viewing licentious material, or speak out against inappropriate language. Such is the battle we must fight, and I must now "clean off my sword" as there are more battles to join and wage.

Hark All Ye Nations

2005-12-15T20:32:00.000-07:00

(Cowdust, have you been paying attention to the fact that many of the recent posts have come from our little competition? Here's another. :) )

I tend to think that usually, if the Lord feels the need to repeat something three times in its entirety, it's probably pretty important. Here's one of those things. "Thus saith the Lord God; Behold I will lift up mine hand to the Gentiles, and set up my standard to the people; and they shall bring thy sons in their arms, and thy daughters shall be carried upon their shoulders. And kings shall be thy nursing fathers, and their queens thy nursing mothers; they shall bow down to thee with their faces towards the earth, and lick up the dust of thy feet; and thou shalt know that I am the Lord; for they shall not be ashamed that wait for me." (Isaiah 49:22-23, 1 Nephi 21:22-23, 2 Nephi 6:6-7)

I have no idea what that means. But thankfully, Nephi expounded slightly for us. "Behold these things of which are spoken are temporal; for thus are the covenants of the Lord with our fathers; and it meaneth us in the days to come, and also all our brethren who are of the house of Israel. And it meaneth that the time cometh that after all the house of Israel have been scattered and confounded, that the Lord God will raise up a mighty nation among the Gentiles, yea, even upon the face of this land; and by them shall our seed be scattered. And after our seed is scattered the Lord God will proceed to do a marvelous work among the Gentiles, which shall be of great worth unto our seed; wherefore, it is likened unto their being nourished by the Gentiles and being carried in their arms and upon their shoulders. And it shall also be of worth unto the Gentiles; and not only unto the Gentiles but unto all the house of Israel, unto the making known of the covenants of the Father of heaven unto Abraham, saying: In thy seed shall all the kindreds of the earth be blessed" (1 Nephi 22:6-9).

Okay, so I think I get that it's talking about the restoration of the gospel in the latter days. So why so important, what is the purpose of reminding us so forcibly three times with the exact same wording? I don't really have an answer to this, but as I was pondering on the significance of these verses, I was reminded of a CES fireside talk by Elder Jeffrey R Holland given in September of 2004. He said, "One way or another, I think virtually all of the prophets and early apostles had their visionary moments of our time--a view that gave them courage in their own less-successful eras. Those early brethren knew an amazing amount about us. Prophets such as Moses, Nephi, and the brother of Jared saw the latter days in tremendously detailed vision. Some of what they saw wasn't pleasing, but surely all those earlier generations took heart from knowing that there would finally be one dispensation that would not fail. Ours, not theirs, was the day that gave them 'heavenly and joyful anticipations' and caused them to sing and prophesy of victory. Ours is the day, collectively speaking, toward which the prophets have been looking from the beginning of time, and those earlier brethren are over there still cheering us on! In a very real way, their chance to consider themselves fully successful depends on our faithfulness and our victory. I love the idea of going into the battle of the last days representing Alma and Abinadi and what they pled for and representing Peter and Paul and the sacrifices they made.”

Somehow I think that makes a bit of a connection with me. It's so important because this is the dispensation of the fullness of times. The restoration of the gospel for the final time is a glorious event, one worth talking about and preparing for. If anyone else has more ideas on this, I'd love to hear them. Please share, I'm still learning about these verses.

No Doubt

2005-12-15T20:12:00.000-07:00

Nearly 600 years before the Son of God was even born on this earth, Father Lehi declared, "But behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell..." (2 Nephi 1:15). Long before the Savior voiced the triumphal phrase "It is finished" this prophet was speaking of the greatest event of all time in the past tense. This verse had never struck me as it did just a few days ago when I realized this. (It's really true that you learn something new every time you read The Book of Mormon!)

This is an example to me of such faith and trust! Lehi didn't just prophecy about the coming of Christ and the fact that he would atone for the sins of all mankind; no, he rejoiced as if it had already happened. I have often tried to fathom what it would be like to live in the days before Jesus' birth, but I can only think in terms of my life. I can't imagine being told that some day, a man would come who would redeem you from the effects of sin and mortality. It would take a lot of faith to follow through with something like that (I think).

But Lehi obviously did more than just "believe in" Christ. He knew and believed Him. Lehi had such abiding faith in Jehovah that when the Lord said that He would come to redeem all men, Lehi took it to heart. He knew that Jesus would see it through, fulfilling the infinite atonement that would reach not only foward to all men, but also back. So when Lehi spoke of His personal salvation, he could use past tense.

There are a lot of very appealing doctrines in the LDS church, and people are often attracted to the gospel because of these truths. But this is the only truth that really matters. God lives; Jesus is the Christ, and He has redeemed all mankind from sin and death. I know this to be true; I have no doubt. All things may pass away, but as surely as I know I live, I know that statement is true. I am working to strengthen my faith so that I may trust so fully as did Lehi.

The Victory Won

2005-12-12T01:54:00.000-07:00

Today's Sunday School lesson: The Whole Armor of God
Ephesians 6:11-17: "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."

We like the war imagery in Christianity. It paints a good picture of the tasks we are called to perform; we sing songs about it, teach lessons on how to prepare for it, etc. The struggle between right and wrong, good and evil, is an eternal principle. And though it is not incorrect, and is often very effective in conveying a specific concept, I wonder if sometimes we get a little misled by the comparisons of ourselves to soldiers in the battle against the forces of evil. That is a war that I believe we are not qualified to fight, nor is there a need. The battle has been won; victory prevailed. Indeed, Christ, "fought the fight, the victory won" (Hymns #200). He has triumphed over sin, He paid the price, He paved the way for man to be delivered from the jaws of hell and the chains of Satan. The war between good and evil was won. The battle now is for the souls of men, we must decide which side we will be on. In whom will we place our loyalties? We know the winner, Satan must know that he cannot triumph and achieve glory, honor, and power, so what now? "He seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself" (2 Nephi 2:27). We know who will win, has won; the question is, will we stay on His side.

Keeping that in mind, that we are not fighting the actual battle against evil, but rather a battle for the souls of men, specifically to stay on the side of good, the armor we are given makes so much sense. Nearly everything is defensive. The protections against sin and human weaknesses are vital to staying on the Lord's side. We cannot afford to distance ourselves from Him and suffer spiritual death by taking off our armor and allowing the fiery darts of the adersary to strike us in places where we are vulnerable. We MUST stay on the Lord's side, His is the winning team. So much on the defense may seem a bit odd if we were trying to defeat sin in all the world, but that is not our purpose, Christ did that 2000+ years ago. We couldn't even if we tried, but we must fully use our armor to protect us from the second death caused by sin.

It's also interesting that the one "offensive" tool we are given is the "sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." This one weapon to fight with is the way we spread the good news of the gospel to all nations and people. In the battle for men's souls the offensive weapon we need is a way to help everyone else get on werf's armor. Through the word of God, shared with the Spirit, we can arm others so that they too may be protected from the temptations that fall upon mankind. Only through Christ can men be saved, He has won the victory; the offensive tool enables us to spread this good news and help them come unto Him. He won the war, we must fight each day the battle to stay on His side, and do all we can to bring others over to the winning team. When I think of that I just want to shout. Hurray! Alleluia!

Servants

2005-12-07T23:44:00.000-07:00

Heb got great tickets to the First Presidency Christmas Devotional the other night, and she was kind enough to invite me along. I sat at the feet of the prophet; it was amazing. There was a bit of a disturbance, but the grey, anxious feeling was quickly dispelled by the singing of praises the the Christ and the reassuring words of His chosen servants. What a blessing to be in the presence of prophets of God. What a blessing indeed.

Oh How Lovely

2005-12-07T15:34:00.001-07:00

Yesterday in my Teachings of the Living Prophets class, we began our discussion of President Hinckley by watching a clip from the movie Special Witnesses of Christ. President Hinckley chose to share his testimony from the Sacred Grove. I love trees. I have always been in awe of great forests and such. I just feel a sense of excitement and wonder and enthusiasm in the presence of such majestic giants. So the fact that he was in a grove amid trees of this sort, where all was green, flooded with sunlight, well, it was touching.

As I watched this great man walk slowly around the grove while bearing witness to the sacred nature of the activities that occured among those very trees, I was struck with how small he seemed. I admire President Hinckley very much. He is such a hero to me, oftentimes seeming larger than life; the fact that he seemed dwarfed there in that grove, therefore was an interesting observation for me. I was struck with the wonder of man, but more, the greatness of God. I felt to explain, as did Moses, "Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed" (Moses 1:10). What a feeling! I can't think a better way to describe it, so I will leave it at that and hope that each will seek within werfself to find a way to understand this revelation. It is shocking, humbling, and encouraging all at the same time.

Just after this revelation came another, even more striking. Those trees were BIG; the area was wide and full of plants with many little areas off to the side; the man was so small. Yet the sunlight filled the grove, casting away shadows and brightening the entire area. What a visual it was for me! As small as man is, God is SO great. His almighty power is awesome (read awe-some), and He has shared it with us, His children. On that beautiful spring day in 1820 the Father of us all revealed Himself, along with His Son, Jehovah, to the boy Joseph Smith. He brought with Him Light that would fill the whole earth, casting out shadows wherever His truth is received. What a blessing, what a miracle!

Finding myself

2005-12-01T17:18:00.000-07:00

I just read the most awful play for my Spanish class. This is a spoiler warning for anyone planning to read La Dama del Alba, don't read this post because it gives away the ending. Basically, the irony in the play was amazing; that's the only positive comment I have for it though. Quick summary follows:

There is a family in Spain, mother grandfather, three young kids, Telva (the life-long family servant who lives with them), and the son-in-law (Martin). Martin was married to Angelica, the oldest daughter who was perfect in every way; she was beautiful, she was great with the kids, she was kind to all the neighbors, everyone loved her. She supposedly drowned in the river four years ago. Actually, though, she ran oiff with another man three days after marrying Martin. He knew where she was and chased her, but was unsuccessful. He allowed everyone to think that she had drowned basically because he loved her and didn't want her name tarnished. On the fourth anniversary of her death, the Peregrina (lady who represents death) appears at the family's house, but no one dies. Instead, Martin rescues a random girl (Adela) from drowning in the river. Adela was actually trying to kill herself and was a little miffed that she was rescued, but the family opens their arms to her and she starts to find a little happiness. The Peregrina leaves, telling the grandfather that she will return in seven months and then she will claim the girl.

Seven months later, Adela has basically morphed into Angelica. The mother is supposedly happy again and continually encourages Adela to be more like her daughter. Adela is now part of the family. Martin even confesses his love. The Peregrina returns; the grandfather begs her to spare Adela, but the Peregrina insists that she will not leave alone. Martin finally admits the truth about Angelica to Adela within hearing of the Peregrina. Peregrina seems to understand something. Later, Adela attempts again to take her life because of the mess that she is in trying to be Angelica, but the Peregrina stops her (odd, that the figure of death would stop her from dying, but ok). Peregrina tells the grandfather that she will allow Adela to grow old, saying there is another for whom she has come.

The family all leave to go to a festival, and while they are gone, Angelica returns. She is the picture of the prodigal son. Her life is in shambles and all she wants is a warm corner of the house. The Peregrina greets her and tells her the family had gone. She then proceeds to detail the changes that have happened and tells Angelica that she has lost her place. The family all love Adela, and it would be better for everyone if Angelica were actually dead. Since she is not, the Peregrina has a solution: jump in the river. The Peregrina then has about four or five pages telling Angelica why she should kill herself, and convincing her that there is no returning and no forgiveness for her wrongdoings. Angelica then jumps in the river and her body is found in the morning. End of story. I hated it.

After finishing the play last night I felt horrible. I was so depressed and disgusted and everything else, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I decided that I must learn something; I must find an important message in this dreadful story to ease my mind a little. Here is what I have come up with. First of all, the Peregrina was wrong, entirely wrong, in telling Angelica that everyone would be better off if she took her life. That's just wrong. That was the most disturbing part of the play, her convincing Angelica that suicide was a good option. It's not. I couldn't really come up with a good lesson to be had from that, but the more I thought about Angelica, the more I realized how sad her life really was.

Angelica lived for everyone else. This isn't always necessarily bad; we should love and serve others, and it is possible to truly find happiness in the happiness and comfort of others. But this can't be accomplished until we know who we are individually. I think Angelica didn't know who Angelica was. She was everything to everyone but herself. I think occasionally I start down the path of Angelica's disease, I identify with her, so I'd like to make a conection to myself and see how this applies to my life.

I've often heard it said that you can't lift a man until you are standing on higher ground than he is. I think this is applicable in this instance. It's not selfish to spend time alone, nurturing your own identity. As much as I might like to think otherwise, I am replaceable. If I leave, another will fill my spot; if I fall down on my duties, another can do my work. When Angelica disappeared, the family was devastated, but the role she played was filled by another. Adela could never be Angelica, but she could easily do what Angelica did, she could play the part. The one person for whom Adela could never be Angelica was only Angelica. That's terrifying for me to think about, but I've seen it first-hand time and time again. If you're not your own best friend, you have no real friends. Everyone else can find someone else to accomplish the tasks that I do, but noone can be me for me. Maybe that doesn't make sense. Let me try again.

Angelica's life was built around her family and other people. When she returned at the end of the play and learned that another had taken her place in the family, she was understandably devasted; anyone would be. Angelica's situation was delicate, however, because she was her place in the family. Without her duties as daughter, sister, wife, friend, and neighbor, she had nothing; she was nothing. The Peregrina was able to convince Angelica to take her life because Angelica had no life other than outside her, what she did for other people. If Angelica had been something to herself there would have been two differences. 1. She would not have been fooled by the Peregrina because she would have had a life besides what Adela had taken from her. She would have had something to build on instead of trying to step back into her old role (which had been filled by someone new). 2. She would have been slightly more irreplaceable. Someone who is confident in werfself and has a strong friendship with werfself fills a role that cannot be filled by anyone else. That confidence carries over into all aspects of life and makes a person more fun to be around, more irreplaceable. If the substance of you is what you do, then anyone can become you, that is, do what you did. However, if you have taken time to develop your personality and distinguish yourself, you are something noone else can be. That is the difference, love yourself. Take time for you. And then you will be happier personally and will be a much more effective servant of God.

It's A Wonderful Life

2005-11-26T13:04:00.000-07:00

The Christmas season has now officially begun since I watched that classic Jimmy Stewart film.

Too bad we can't all be a George Bailey.

Resolved

2005-11-15T09:33:00.000-07:00

No, laughing's not inherently bad; it's true. I love to laugh! I especially love to giggle. Giggling's just so much fun, and it feels so happy and lovely. Sometimes, when I'm really happy and safe, I like to just throw back my head and let a bubble of laughter burst from my belly. It feels good. But sometimes laughing makes me feel ill.

Like the other night. I lose track of myself occasionally, and I give in to the sarcasm and light-mindedness that threatens to fill my life with emptiness. Laughing makes me sick, not when I laugh out of joy, but when I laugh because of crude humor or innapropiately light conversation. We did that last night. My roommate owed us ice cream, so the three of us along with two other friends sat around in the kitchen (until we moved to the living room) and talked and laughed. At first it was good and fun. Then, as the night wore on, things got a little out of hand. I've been trying to reconcile this all night and day, but I've decided that it was just plain wrong. Laughing is not bad, lightmindedness is. It detracts from the Spirit and dulls my sensitivity to the truly beautiful.

I hearby resolve to renounce all frivolity and lightmindedness. I resolve to carry myself with dignity and treat all creations of the Almighty with respect.

Ha Ha Ha

2005-11-08T19:25:00.000-07:00

Is is possible to laugh too much?

Oh Say What is Truth

2005-11-07T08:50:00.000-07:00

If I was sitting in a Sunday School or Relief Society lesson and had the nerve to do it, this is what I would like to say in response to comments justifying others' false beliefs.

"I fear that what I have to say may be slightly offensive, so I apologize in advance to those of you who may feel my remarks are a personal slight. I do not mean them to be so, but after you hear what I have to say, you will see why I cannot sit silently in the midst of certain comments. Please know that these words are not meant to be in anyway unkind or even directed to anyone specifically, rather, what I have to say is in opposition to a prevailing way of thinking in today's society that is not correct. That idea is that we must be accepting of untruths or relax our standards for the sake of 'diversity'. We live in a day and age when such is the battle-cry of our nation, and those who do not espouse this open-minded belief are considered bigots. Well, fine then, call me a bigot. But the fact is, truth does not change to fit every man's whims. Right is right. And The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the ONLY true church on the face of the earth. We have the full truth; the fullness of the gospel is not found anywhere else on the face of the earth. There are good people all over the earth in all walks of life among many religions, and even among those who do not follow after any religion. But the fact remains that the saving ordinances are found in, and only in, the Lord's true church. Why else would missionary work be so important? Why else would it be so vital that we search out the names of those who have gone before and perform ordinances in their behalf? Because without full activity in this church and participation in ordinances under the direction of the Holy Priesthood, one CANNOT be saved. There is no compromising of the Lord's standard. Right is right; and all our philosophizing will not change it. Only in this church is the Lord's priesthood with all its privileges available. When we walk daily among others in the world, we need to be examples of the believers in word and deed. We need not continually tell them that they are wrong or misguided, but by the same token, we must not accept their teachings as our own. We are children of the covenant and we are here today to hear what God has commanded us to do. Our comments should be focused on his doctrine and how we can more fully live it in our lives. God's law has been declared. His standard is set. We need not discuss ways that the world's ideas are correct. I know that God lives; He is the literal father of our spirits. Jesus Christ is His Son, and our Savior and Redeemer. Joseph Smith restored the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ to the earth in these latter days, and the priesthood is indeed the power of God. We are led today by a living prophet who speaks to us the mind and will of the Lord. In all due respect to every one else's opinions on the subject of today's lesson, I think it's time we hear what he (the prophet) has told us is the Lord's word and doctrine on the matter and then discuss how we can bring ourselves more strictly inline with that command."

I apologize if this was a little bit of a rant. Mostly I'm just mad at myself for not saying it the other day, but I'm determined to say it next time.

Truth

2005-11-04T15:48:00.000-07:00

Since I promised a glimpse into the mind of chicken dust, I should share the thoughts that have occupied my mind almost unceasingly for the past week or two. If you were to add up all my waking hours and group the thoughts by type, the following would most likely take up more time than any other single group.

Te necesito sí, bendito ser. Ninguno como tú paz puede dar. Señor te necesito, sí te necesito, bendiceme oh Cristo, vendré a ti.

I don't know why it's in spanish; I've been singing it in english plenty too, but a lot in spanish for some odd reason. Basicall, that's a glimpse at the turning wheels of my mind. It's not really exciting, but it's the full truth.

Lessons learned from Dad

2005-11-03T11:16:00.000-07:00

Just two of many.

It can be done! I remember hearing once someone make the comment that if something really difficult needed to be done and no one could figure out how to make it happen, all they needed to do was mention to papa dust that it was impossible and somehow he would do it. Maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but it holds true in most cases. Story: A couple of summers ago, Dad was driving a truck pulling a trailer up to some church camp. It was being held at someone's cabin and he only had a rough map of how to get there. Just before reaching the lodgings, the road became slightly confusing for him. He could see the cabin, however, just on top of a hill off to his side. It was pretty steep, but he seemed to notice a dirt road?/path leading up to the driveway, so he took it. I was not there, so this is not first-hand storytelling, but this is what I was told. Halfway up the path, he realized that he was in a bad position. The hill was WAY too steep for a truck to drive, least of all one that was pulling a loaded trailer. Still, going back down was out of the question as there was a drop-off on the other side and he was very unsure about backing down (understandably). So, he finagled the gears, punched the gas without spinning the tires, and went for it. Apparently have felt the wheels of the trailer leave the ground as he came over the top of the hill, but make it he did (thank heaven!). After safely parking the vehicle, he went inside and at some point mentioned the path he had taken to get there. Upon hearing this, the owners of the cabin were flabbergasted. "But, but, we don't even ride our 4-wheelers on that path. What were you thinking?!?!" Well, I suppose he was thinking he had a task to do and that was the way he could see to finish it, so he did.

Give. My dad is undoubtedly the most generous person I have ever met, or probably will meet. No sacrifice is too great for him it seems, and he seems to give without thinking most of the time; it's a natural reaction for him. Two quick stories to illustrate: When my family was moving from Brigham City to Kaysville, my parents worked to try to make the Brigham house as nice as possible so as to have a better chance at selling the place for a good price. One of the tasks they set about doing was to finish the basement. Dad had already done most of the framing and electrical work, but he wanted to at least get the sheetrock up. Shortly before buying the materials, however, someone made an offer on the house as it was. My parents were obviously thrilled. Most people's first thought would be something along the lines of being glad that they had not yet spent the money to purchase the materials for the basement walls. Not Dad. No, his first words in regard to the subject were, "Well, I'd better at least go and buy the sheetrock and leave it for them in the basement." WHAT?!?!? Really, Dad, why do you think that way? Perhaps once it's suggested it seems like a good idea, but how do you even come up with such ideas? My mom is in the primary presidency in her ward, and my dad teaches the eleven-year olds. At the most recent primary activity day, they had several activities illustrating the life of Joseph Smith. Dad was telling the story of the first vision, and the room in which this activity was held was decorated like the Sacred Grove. Apparently his wasn't the most active station, and there was one boy who was being particularly rambunctious. Dad had with him a porcelain bust of the prophet Joseph which he was using as a sort of visual aid. So what did he do with this boy? He gave him the statue; I guess he figured if he had something to focus his attentions on, he would be a little more reverent. I suppose it helped. Dad didn't just let him hold it during the lesson though, he let him keep it. Maybe Dad felt a little sheepish about it later, wondering if it was actually a good idea, but I hope not. Perhaps I'm wrong, but a little boy who lives with his grandmother and has little or no positive male influence in his life might just remember that statue some day when the memory will be the one thing in his life that encourages him to stay on the path of truth. I don't know, but I think Dad was right to give it to him.

When it comes down to it, I've learned a lot from Dad. Some things are good, some maybe not as wonderful. But Dad loves Jesus Christ. That's good enough for now, and maybe I'll someday have the same qualities of pure grit and automatic generosity that Dad has displayed.

Each Life That Touches Ours For Good

2005-11-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

Remember primary? Back in the good old days when we all went to sunbeams. I love those little kids; they are so cute. And everyone always fights to sit by the teacher. Oh, how popular are Sunbeam teachers.

Which brings me to a question that was hotly debated by members of my extended family at a gathering. If no one calling is more important than another, why does everyone revere the prophet so much. Why do people wait for hours to shake his hand, or tell stories decades after his death of when there got to be in the same room with the man? As might be deduced by a previous post, I don't hold with these opinions much. I figure that a man is just a man, and should be treated with respect, but I'm not one to join any followings of famous people. Except occasionally. And so I have come to the following conclusion.

President Monson gave a talk in May 2004 Conference about your personal influence. No one can escape the responsibility of werf's personal influence. For a sunbeam teacher, that is werf's class. For a big sister, that is her siblings. For a bishop, that is his ward. For the prophet, that is the entire church and much of the world. The honor that is given to the president of the church does at times come because as humans we struggle with pride issues. We aspire to certain positions and give praise to those who occupy those positions. This is not the kind of the love the prophet seeks. But for most of us, I think the reason we love him so much is much like the sunbeams love their teacher. He loves us and serves us. By virture of his calling, his personal influence streches to include many people, but it is the same in many ways as my personal influence and yours.

I think mostly I was reminded of this little discussion because lately I have often been in a place where it would not been entirely unheard-of to meet a General Authority. I keep having these little day-dreams of being introduced to Elder Holland or President Packer and the thrill such a meeting would give me. Mostly because of my Teachings of the Living Prophets class, I have in recent months come to love the Bretheren very much (and these two are special favorites of mine), and have been reminded of the unkind way I spoke in this family discussion about those who ooh and ahh over shaken the prophet's hand. It's just his personal influence. He is an amazing man, and we love him because he loves us, and he encourages us to be our best.

Rock of Ages

2005-10-27T14:09:00.000-06:00

Rock of Ages cleft for me, Let me hide myself in thee. Let the water and the blood, From thy wounded side which flowed, Be of sin the double cure, Save from wrath and make me pure.
Not the labors of my hands Can fill all thy life's demands. Could my zeal no respite know, Could my tears forever flow, All for sin could not atone; Thou must save, and thou alone.
When I draw this fleeting breath, When mine eyes shall close in death, When I rise to worlds unknown And behold thee on thy throne, Rock of Ages, cleft for me, Let me hide myself in thee.

I just discovered this hymn over the last week. I love it! the last line of the first verse really speaks of some great doctrine. There is more to the Atonement of Jesus Christ than forgiveness of sin, although that is a huge gift. Sometimes talked about is the capacity it gives Him to comfort us in our trials, but less discussed, but nonetheless vital, is the power to change; to make good men better. In my teachings of the living prophets class recently, one of the students made a beautiful comment about the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve. He noted that it was amazing to realize that they were just men, but they had learned to access the power of the Atonement in their lives to make them like unto the Savior.

Observe this same concept taught by King Benjamin in Mosiah 3:19, "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord..." The gospel is to make bad men good and good men better. No matter how hard we try (note second verse), we can never perfect ourselves. Besides just paying the price and making restitution for our sins, we just don't have the ability to change our hearts to be pure as they should be. That requires grace, the enabling power of God. He grants us the ability to change, to become like Him.

Plus, I just really like this song and wanted to share it.

Nearer My God To Thee

2005-10-26T09:33:00.000-06:00

Apparently I've been contemplating callings lately, because here's another post on that topic. I was wondering about why I get certain callings, and how it seems to be that I am never very qualified to do what I am asked. I mean, surely there are TONS of people who could do a much better job at these things. You'd think the Lord would not want to have to do all the work Himself, you know, and if HE would just pick someone who wasn't so stressed about it, He could relax a bit. I mean, with me, I make things doubly hard for Him because not only does He have to help me out in every way to accomplish the task, but then He has to patiently listen to me whine and stress about how difficult it is and how tired I am and yada yada. So I came to the conclusion that obviously, the Lord doesn't extend callings to me to help Him accomplish anything. His thought process might be a little more like this:

'So, Chicken Dust, we're a bit distant these days. Tell you what, how about I call you to serve in your ward. Let's say as visiting teaching coordinator. Now, you can't do this job. I know; that's why I'm giving it to you. See, you will stress and try to do your best (mostly just being counterproductive) and then I'll just have to clean up the mess that you made and do the job the way it should have been done in the first place. But that's okay, because I am perfect enough (that's an odd phrase?) that I can make things work the way they should through you. Pretty tricky. I can even cause that other people's lives will be blessed by you - as an instrument in My hands. Plus, in the process, you will learn a thing or two and your heart will become slightly more like mine. Basically, though, I'm giving this to you because I know that it will cause you to spend a lot of time on your knees trying to do it right. You'll become more humble. And I'll get to spend more time with you.'

I like that last line. It's not really doctrine, but I think it's really true. As much as we long to be like God to live with Him forever, I think He misses us even more. We are His children after all. Of course there is no selfish motives in anything He does, but I wonder if maybe we are commanded to pray not only for our benefit, but almost as much for Him. He likes to spend time with us.

I laughed out loud in the library

2005-10-24T15:02:00.000-06:00

"There has been a catastrophic error. Please stand by."

Beware of this error sign on your computer. Does it amuse anyone else?

Loveliness

2005-10-20T17:17:00.000-06:00

"Of all the creations of the Almighty, there is none more beautiful, none more inspiring, than a lovely daughter of God, who walks in virtue with an understanding of why she should do so, who honors and respects her body as a thing sacred and divine, who cultivates her mind and constantly enlarges the horizon of her understanding, who nurtures her spirit with everlasting truth." -President Gordon B Hinckley

I love being a woman. I really do. Yes, we have our "moments" and there are certainly plenty of quirks in our hard drive, but despite the hormones and the girlish silliness, I love being a woman. Someday I hope to be a real lady. I know a few women that I would consider examples of the type of behavior and elegance that I hope to achieve. Each simply exudes grace and loveliness. She is confident in her abilities, but accepting of another's offerings; she carries herself with dignity and respect, never walking too quickly or speaking too loudly; she has a sense of humor within reason, but never laughs unseemly; she smiles quickly and often; she loves God, and somehow you can just tell; she accepts correction with gratitude, and gives it with love and patience; she prays; she is a disciplined scholar of things both secular and spiritual; she knows what covenants she has made and lives them to the fullest of her ability; she loves people, and they love her; she serves unendingly; she is kind; she knows that Jesus is the very Son of God, and testifies boldly of this knowledge; she awakens each morning with a song in her heart and prayer to God; with this prayer, she puts her hand in His hand and together, He and she make the world a place of beauty.

"In the process of educating your minds, stir within yourselves a greater sensitivity to the beautiful, the artistic, and the cultivation of the talent you possess, be it large or small." -President Gordon B Hinckley (Read the whole talk here , I heartily suggest it.)

Magnified

2005-10-19T12:19:00.000-06:00

I cannot remember names to save me. I've been in my ward for two months now and still have barely learned the names of the people in my FHE group. (Actually, that's an exaggeration. The other day I talked to someone who was in my group and I had no idea who he was, let alone his name.) I know; I am terrible. I really try though, I promise, but to no avail. I have always been this way; names and I just don't mix. I was lamenting this weakness on my walk home from school yesterday and thinking if perhaps I prayed really hard or visited every apartment twice a day, I might possibly learn some people's names, but after the following observation, I determined that such would be a waste if time.

At the start of last year, I determined to change my anti-social habits and actually meet people. I felt a strong prompting to get to know the others in my ward (especially the girls) to prepare myself for some specific service. So I complied. I prayed for courage (and TONS of help in remembering people) and went to the work of memorizing everyone's names, faces, and any other information about them. AND IT WORKED! I was so amazed! Shortly after the start of the semester, I was called to be in the Relief Society presidency in my ward (not a surprise as I had felt that such a calling might be coming my way - the purpose for learning people's names). The other sisters in the presidency were so impressed that I knew everyone, where they lived, and often times specifics about their personal lives. I'm not saying this to brag, as will be seen, but it was a fact that I was well in touch with the girls in our ward. I loved serving in the Relief Society (I was incredibly inadequate to serve on my own strength and was overwhelmed a lot of the time, but I loved the blessing of serving none-the-less). Anyhow, time went on, and I made an effort to visit every apartment at least once each week. If I had an announcement to deliver, I NEVER just stuck it on the door, I always made sure to talk to at least one person in the apartment. I was shocked by my own ability to relate to the girls; I thought, "Wow, I really can be a social person if I want to be, people like me and I'm friendly. Odd. Plus, I remember their names, even more odd." Then I got released and moved to Orem for the summer. I didn't visit the apartments very often, even though I was in the ward, so I wasn't shocked that I didn't know anyone's names. I figured I'd do it again once fall started and I was back in with a ward.

So now here I am, and I'm failing miserably at the name thing (and pretty much everything about the friendliness thing). It's not for lack of trying either, I make it a point to personally talk to people when I deliver notices, I sit next to someone different every week at church. I ask EVERYONE for their names, and I scour the ward picture directory over meals. And yet, the names just aren't coming. I don't get it. Or I didn't. Then one day it hit me: AHA! I'm no good at names; I never have been, and I probably never will be. So how did I do it last year? You can probable guess the answer to that question on your own.

But just in case you haven't figured it out by now, the moral of this story is, as we do our part to magnify the callings we are given, the Lord will magnify US within the realm of our responsibilities. It was my calling then; it's not now, so I don't get the help because it's not necessary. I get plenty of help and blessings in other areas, but that was a specific blessing for a specific time, and that time is now up. "Whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies."

Fill Our Hearts With Sweet Forgiving

2005-10-13T17:53:00.000-06:00

This post was encouraged by an editorial in the campus newspaper today. Regarding the recent conviction of Jennete Killpack, the editors stated: "We cheer, for justice has finally come for Cassandra." I cried. Yes, I cried when I read that, and here's why.

How can we cheer at such devastation? I thought this out really well as I walked home from work today, but by now my thoughts are again scattered, so bear with me. Again, how can we cheer - when men claim for themselves the duty that the Lord has repeatedly declared to be his alone to discharge. Note the following from Mormon 3:15: "Vengeance is mine, and I will repay." We have judged, and we have done so unrighteously. Now, before I mislead anyone and receive a slew of hateful comments about how those guilty of crimes should be subject to punishment, and parents must punish their children, and governments must make countries safe, etc, let me clarify. Yes, indeed, governments, parents, teachers, and others in positions of authority of necessity must at times exact punishment. The purpose of this should be two-fold, however. First, especially in the case of parents and occasionally teachers (and church disciplinary councils), the point of punishment should be to teach or correct. This must be done very carefully in compliance with the following mandate from the Lord: "No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;" (D&C 121:41-43). Such punishments should be applicable to the wrongdoing and aimed at prevention rather than "exacting justice". Secondly, governments and other authorities must at times try and punish (or remove from society) certain individuals who pose a threat to the safety of others. Again this is NOT to be done in the name of pure justice. Those determining the punishment must be a judicious as possible but the point I wish to make is that true justice cannot be achieved in this life by men. We simply cannot judge perfectly because we do not see perfectly; this is why we have been repeatedly advised to "judge not." In the referenced case, it is imperative that we prevent innocent children from being abused, but the editors of this opinion and so many others in our society have judged the very person involved. They stepped beyond the bonds of reasonable judgment to protect ourselves and others to degrading talk about one of our Heavenly Father's children. This is inappropriate. Safety must be preserved and children must be taught to be responsible citizens, but judgment and justice belong to God and God alone.

How can we cheer at such a tragedy? I do not imagine the day the Lucifer was cast off forever to become the devil, the father of all lies, was a day of even the remotest rejoicing. This brilliant son of the Eternal Father who had made such horrible choices and wrecked so much havoc among the children of the Father, leading many to eternal misery was punished, and rightly so. In this case, true justice was exacted (as it was so done by God, the True Judge), but it was not a day for cheering. It never has been a day for cheering when a child of God has strayed and must of necessity be cut off. These are days of mourning, introspection, and learning-days to review how we could be better personally and how we can help prevent such future tragedies. For those who cheer at such events, I shed a few extra tears. I rejoice in Christ in the Atonement and the opportunity for change. When such days of punishment lead to a bettering of one's life and a return to the ways of God, that is the time to cheer. "Mercy, with its sister virtues of repentance and forgiveness" is something to cheer about! (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland)

The editorial page always contains the obligatory disclaimer that while published by a church school, the paper does not represent the views of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Thank goodness. It would be a sad day indeed when a church that professes to be lead by a living prophet, seer, and revelator can hear his words so distinctly and then turn so far from his counsel less than two days after it was given. President Gordon B. Hinckley spoke on October 2 in a world-wide conference about the virtue of forgiveness. He said, "I wish today to speak of forgiveness. I think it may be the greatest virtue on earth, and certainly the most needed. There is so much of meanness and abuse, of intolerance and hatred. There is so great a need for repentance and forgiveness. It is the great principle emphasized in all of scripture, both ancient and modern." The Lord declared that it was required of us to forgive ALL men. We are not to be the judge of who deserves our love and forgiveness; that duty belongs to Christ, the "Eternal Judge of both quick and dead", we must extend a helping hand of fellowship, not a cold shoulder, and certainly never hatred or spite.

The editorial claims to cheer because, "justice has come for Cassandra." This is not so. The little girl who was abused and murdered will never receive justice at the hands of men, just as her perpetrators cannot. The courts cannot give her back her life, her childhood, her innocence. There is no justice for Cassandra in this life. Justice, and interestingly enough mercy, can ONLY come in and through Jesus Christ, the Savior and Redeemer of all mankind. He alone has born her griefs and carried her sorrows. He can heal the broken heart and fill the emptiness of despair with peace and hope. He can alone can restore one's innocence. Justice is not the work of man. Only God, who is perfectly just AND perfectly merciful can do what is needed for both perpetrator (often a victim in werf's own right) and victim. It is only when one holds both these qualities in perfect balance that either can be exacted perfectly.

In sum, in response to the thoughtless editorial and as a representation of my beliefs on the subject of justice, let it never be thought that I do not think Jenette Killpack or any other individual convicted of a crime should avoid conviction and punishment. And I am far from perfect at reserving personal judgment for the Lord. (Indeed, I have often had a great urge to march into the prison and cause serious pain to the man who created such devastation in the life of one I love very dearly. Yet I realize that these impulses, if acted upon, would be sorrow to my soul and cause me to distance myself from the Lord, as it would be a sin for me to carry them out.) It is necessary for hardened criminals to be locked up, away from others whom they could hurt. But vengeance belongs to the Lord. Avoid judging a person, and please, please, do not cheer for such a tragedy.

Werf

2005-10-11T18:51:00.000-06:00

For those who are curious/confused:

"Werf is a BYU Independent Study colloquialism meaning he or she and him or her. Such a convenient word. Maybe if we can get it into print five times in the real world, we can get it into dictionaries. Let us all make that our goal. Until then, do not use it in any English paper that you wish to be taken seriously."

Note 01

2005-10-10T15:23:00.000-06:00

A few random observations about my writing.

1- I am obsessed with hymns (we could just say music in general) and quote them constantly! Lots of times I just sort of quote them, so I know precisely the reference I am making, but it is so obscure that no one else would probably pick up on it. I apologize. If you ever see quotes around a random phrase that does not have a reference attached to it, it is quite possibly a quote from a song--most likely a hymn.

2-To qualify the last sentence in (1), I use scare quotes way too often. I know. It's not good grammar and it's probably really annoying to read. Sorry. Ignore them if they bother you.

3- Most of the time the things I post are very random and scattered. This isn't a dialogue of my life or a series of well-thought, revised essays. This is my stream of consciousness. Ever wonder what thoughts are spinning around inside my little brain? Here you have the answer. This is what I think about, so sorry, nope, I'm not going to edit until the cows come home. It's random and confusing, I know, thus is my life. These are my thoughts and I'm happy with them as they are.

4- Check out the 100 Hour Board (I have it linked). It's cool.

5- Read the Book of Mormon. It's even more cool.

Loving Ties

2005-10-07T13:50:00.000-06:00

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Has anyone else ever wondered what the heck this means? I mean, it's nice and comforting; it's certainly quoted quite regularly, but no one ever bothers to define "my yoke". We were talking about this scripture in Relief Society a couple of months ago when this very difficulty was brought to my attention. I replied with a quick by-the-books answer at the moment, but was led to further study. My understanding of a possible definition has lead me to MUCH introspection and has been the basis of my study and ponderings since that enlightening day.

First things first, what is a yoke (in technical terms)? This from Miriam Webster online: Main Entry: yoke Etymology: Middle English yok, from Old English geoc; akin to Old High German joh yoke, Latin jugum, Greek zygon, Sanskrit yuga, Latin jungere to join 1 a : a wooden bar or frame by which two draft animals (as oxen) are joined at the heads or necks for working together b : an arched device formerly laid on the neck of a defeated person c : a frame fitted to a person's shoulders to carry a load in two equal portions d : a bar by which the end of the tongue of a wagon or carriage is suspended from the collars of the harness e (1) : a crosspiece on the head of a boat's rudder (2) : the control device for an airplane's ailerons that is mounted on a column which also serves to operate the elevator f : a frame from which a bell is hung g : a clamp or similar piece that embraces two parts to hold or unite them in position (emphasis added)

Well, that's the specific definition; you can see where I am going with this by the selections I put in bold. When the above mentioned scriptural reference was mentioned, followed by the question, "what exactly is His yoke?" my first thought was to question the meaning of the word itself. Observe below --

(Isn't that a lovely picture?) So there we have a yoke. It's a piece of wood, let's remember that the Savior often spoke using imagery and symbolism, but the references don't have to be as complex as we sometimes make them. He spoke of a yoke because his audience knew very well what it was, indeed they made good use of this effective tool. It is a piece of wood; it's purpose is to bind two animals together to make it easier for them to be directed and increase the work the team was able to perform. Aha! So, contrary to popular culture (Well, now, here I can't really say whether or not it's really a popular belief. Perhaps it is different for others, but it seems to be my experience that while this scripture is often quoted, it is always sort of referred to in tones of "well, of course everyone knows what it means," but nobody every actually tries to say what the yoke symbolizes; they just talk around it. What follows, however, seems to be a common theme of the understood definition of a yoke.) the yoke is NOT a burden. Consider it, perhaps at times the bindings seem slightly annoying and restrictive, but it's a piece of wood! To an ox, this is nothing; I can honestly say I've never been an ox, but I don't imagine that this small weight on its back could in anyway be considered a load that is difficult to carry. Restrictive, yes, but not heavy. I find that the scripture itself separates the burden from the yoke; the burden is the task that must be accomplished, while the yoke is the tool used to accomplish said task.

Huh hem, on to the point of all this (slightly) pointless rambling. What then does the yoke symbolize? What is it that "binds" us to Christ? The answer to this question came to my mind so clearly that I haven't been able to forget it. Covenants. That's the answer. The Lord's people are a covenant-making people indeed. Covenants bring us in line with God's way. Through making and keeping sacred covenants, we come closer to Christ. The burden is life and the challenges we face and must bear, the ultimate goal being eternal life. But we are not left to carry the burden alone. If we will permit ourselves to be bound to Christ (by our covenants), we don't have to pull the load ourselves. That doesn't leave us free to sit in the dirt; we must still walk, but we don't have the load ourselves as we would have otherwise. Without Christ it would be impossible. This post is already crazy long and I have so much homework to do, so I will have to save the elaboration of the covenants we make as we progress in the Lord's kingdom for another day, but I have already touched on this subject in a previous post (temple day). Important point to remember: The covenant in NOT the burden!

How does keeping our covenants give us rest even in this life? I think this is best answered by a prophet, President Ezra Taft Benson: "That man is greatest and most blessed and joyful whose life most closely approaches the pattern of the Christ. This has nothing to do with earthly wealth, power, or prestige. The only true test of greatness, blessedness, joyfulness is how close a life can come to being like the Master, Jesus Christ. He is the right way, the full truth, and the abundant life." Being like the Savior is happiness. And our covenants are the tool used to bind us to Him and His ways. Through becoming as He is, we find comfort and rest even in days when the burden is heaviest.

A few more side notes that will require more pondering: 1-Heb mentioned this to me as we were discussing this scripture. Note the double meaning of the word light. His burden is Light, not as in matters of weight, but in spiritual matters, but carrying the burdens of life, we can, if we are bound to Christ, learn and gain light. Cool. 2-A new thought on this passage came with the Miriam Webster definition when I copied it over. A yoke can also be worn by one person to carry two heavy objects (one on each side). The balance of the two weights makes each easier to bear. This requires some thought, but I think it could potentially have some good symbolism for our lives and how we cope with trials.

Finally, as any reader must have deduced, I have a passion for the hymns of Zion. I found it very appropriate that the last line of the second verse of our closing hymn for RS that day (Our Savior's Love) reads, "And we are bound to Him by loving ties." So much way cool stuff. I love it! It makes me want to be valiant!

The Day Dawn is Breaking

2005-10-04T10:38:00.000-06:00

Yeah! The flag is flying high atop the pole today! :)

What kind of man gets to see God the Father in the flesh? This has been the prevailing thought on my mind over the last few days. Joseph Smith, prophet, seer, and revelator -- who was he? This year, the Church is celebrating its 175th anniversary and the 200th anniversary of the birth of the prophet Joseph. He seemed to be a common theme of General Conference talks last weekend. So this is my resolve: I will learn about the man who, save Jesus Christ only, has done more for the salvation of all mankind. What a title! It's amazing that after twenty years of hearing this name, I am finally going to take the time to know the man, especially when one considers that it is the first lesson taught to individuals investigating the church, but I suppose now is better than never. I will keep everyone updated with what I am learning; I can't wait.

Which brings me to another related topic. This is perhaps the reason that I have not achieved a conviction of the role of the prophet Joseph before this time. Whatever happened to the Lord not being a respecter of persons? How do I reconcile study of the life of Joseph Smith when there is "no other name given nor any other way nor means whereby salvation can come unto the children of men, only in and through the name of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent" (Mosiah 3:17)? Indeed, all men have agency; there is no job that the Lord cannot accomplish without me, or is there? Perhaps this undermines the deep belief some people have that they prayed about where to live, what to study, which classes to take, ad nauseam and they just know that they are in the "right" place. I scoff at these people; it's unkind and I shall try to be more tolerant, but these "testimonies" drive me nuts! I take a very pragmatic approach to life: get up every morning, pray and consecrate your performance unto the Lord, then go to life. Forget about your silly "right" place, "right” person etc. The number one commandment is to love God. Number two is to love your neighbor. Do that, and stop stressing! If you make a mistake, repent and strengthen your resolve to do better, then move on. The world will NOT come to an end just because I failed to accomplish some possible mission. I am not indispensable! So, back to the original point, is it idol worship of a sort to spend so much time praising just a man? I used to think so; then I listened to the prophet and learned differently.

What kind of man gets to see God the Father in the flesh? I don't know yet, but I intend to find out. It's about our choices, see. We decide every day if we will accomplish the Lord's work, but some of us made BIG choices before this life. Those choices don't force us to do anything, but we can allow them to dictate the course of our lives. This doesn't make very much sense, but I'm trying, believe me, I'm trying to both understand and explain it. So Joseph Smith made some seriously good choices (and is continuing to do so). Because of those choices he was able to restore to earth the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, ushering in the dispensation of the fullness of times. Studying his life and praising his name is not idolatry, everything about this prophet leads one to Christ. Yes, he was just a man, but he was anointed by God, and he "communed with Jehovah." Praise to that man!

Help!

2005-10-03T15:30:00.000-06:00

What can one do to soften one's heart?

On This Day of Joy and Gladness

2005-10-01T21:55:00.000-06:00

That was the closing song for this afternoon's session of Conference. What a powerful day! I'll have so much to ponder and write about after this weekend, but this post is actually thoughts from yesterday.

This from the Kirtland Temple Dedicatory Prayer: "that thy work may be cut short in righteousness..." (D&C 109:59)

Cool! We can actually hasten the Lord's coming. So maybe this has been said a million times over by prophets and such, but I guess I never really digested it. That's pretty amazing. This lead me to think about the recent challenge from President Hinckley to have every member of the Church read the Book of Mormon again before the end of the year. What a way to raise the level of spirituality throughout the Church. Surely such activities as this help to cut short the time before the Lord returns in His glory. It's seems to Sunday-School-answer-ish, but I guess the way to hasten the Lord's coming is through prayer and scripture study and obedience to all God's commandments. If we could be so righteous as to rend the veil of unbelief from before us, we could all come, as did the brother of Jared, to cause that Jesus Christ would come to us. Wow! IF as a Church and as a people we would "lengthen our stride" so to speak, step up the perfecting of the Saints and missionary work, whoa, that would be cool. Still, we have no power over anyone but ourselves. So even if we can't encourage the entire would to hasten the Lord's coming (but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try), we can still cut short the time in our lives that we are distant from Him. We can cause that He will be with us individually by our righteousness. He is bound when we do as He commands (D&C 82:10), and as we increase our spirituality, He will come to us. Let's all hasten the time when "On this earth He comes again to rule among the sons of men." (I Believe in Christ, Hymns #134)

I enjoy being a girl

2005-09-30T13:31:00.000-06:00

Today is just one of those days when it's great to be a girl. That's all I had to say, but I really wanted to say it. I'm in the mood to be giddy -- I enjoy being a girl.

More gems

2005-09-29T14:15:00.000-06:00

This from Elder Joseph B Wirthlin:

"Eternal life 'is the greatest of all the gifts of God' (D&C 14:7). 'Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him' (1 Corinthians 2:9). I could speak of kindoms and glory and knowledge beyond comprehension, but the words would do little justice to the reality. I could speak of exquisite joy and of infinite peace, but meager words fall incomplete and empty compared to the glorious truth. Can the word waterfall describe Niagara? Can nebula describe the glory of Orion? Can love give a satisfactory description to the tender and profound feelings of a mother for her child? Eternal life is the culmination of existence. As spiritual children of God, you and I are heirs to this priceless fortune, benefactors to a glorious future, recipients of grace."

Take some time to digest that. And if you saw me reading this in the library today, don't worry; those tears were not of sadness, but rather of love, gratitude, and rejoicing.

Some thoughts from a wiser source

2005-09-29T14:08:00.000-06:00

This from Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve:

"I humbly thank our Father in Heaven for His daughters, you who were willing to come to earth to live under such uncertain circumstances. Most men could not handle the uncertainties you are asked to live with...You place your life in th Lord's hands each time you bear a child. Men make no such sacrifice. The blessing of nurturing children and caring for a husband often are intermingled with many routine tasks. But you do all of these things willingly because you are a woman. Generally you have no idea of how truly wonderful and capable you are, how very much appreciated an loved, or how desperately needed, for most men don't tell you as completely and as often as needed."

Beautiful.

The Power that Presides

2005-09-26T14:36:00.000-06:00

Here's a train of thoughts that has occupied my attention for the last two days.

For the General Relief Society broadcast on Saturday, I went to the Marriot Center. It seems slightly odd to me that I go to a basketball stadium to sit on uncomfortable seats with no leg room to watch some speakers on TV. Sound odd to anyone else? Well, yes, I find it amusing too, but ended up going with my little sister, aka Heb. As we found seats, she motioned to the floor and the stake presidency seated down there. For those who haven't ever been to the RS broadcast in the Marriot Center, one of the campus stake presidencies is chosen to preside and they sit (sometimes with their wives) on a little platform in the middle of the empty floor. They do absolutely nothing but welcome all the sisters to the meeting and announce that the broadcast will be starting shortly. Heb mentioned that it must be a little awkward for them to be just sitting down there in the middle of that dark, empty floor, while everyone else gathers in the seats near the top to stare at a TV screen. Yes, interesting indeed. As the meeting began, the RS president also recognized the First Presidency and several members of the Quorum of the Twelve and some members of the Quorum of the Seventy in the Conference Center. They too just sat in their chairs at the front of the room; interesting again. So why were they there? Well, to preside, of course. But was precisely does that mean?

Among members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the priesthood is often discussed and taught. So often, however, the teachings focus on the laying on of hands for healing the sick, giving comfort, strength, direction, or performing ordinances. These are vital to the church organization and for the building of the Kingdom of God. But I have been pondering quite a lot on the role of the priesthood in governing, or rather presiding in, our every-day lives. It's a rather vague concept, presiding. But as my thoughts have been preoccupied with this idea, I will try to define it as well as I can. My thoughts have formed in a sort of hypothetical conversation with a young man (about my age) who holds the priesthood of God and lives worthy of its blessings.

My first thought is a most sincere "thank you!" Thank you a million times over to all those righteous men who hold the power to bless all the nations of the world. In attempting to describe the influence of the priesthood's presiding power, I think of the young men (and old) whom I have known in my life. Without exception, there is a difference between those who bear the Lord's priesthood (obviously in righteousness, as purity is a prerequisite to actually being able to carry the Lord's power at any given moment) and those who have not. Even though many in the latter category have been smart, talented, even selfless, good people, they do not have the ability to bless lives through their every deed and word.

The holy Melchizedek priesthood "is the power and authority of God delegated to man on earth to act in all things for the salvation of men." (Joseph Fielding Smith, “Eternal Keys and the Right to Preside,” Ensign, July 1972, 87) That is some power! The priesthood is very literally the power of God. And it is used to bless the lives of His children. I suppose when understood in this way, men who bear the priesthood have a TREMENDOUS responsibility. But it is true. He has commanded, "Be ye clean that bear the vessels of the Lord." (Isaiah 52:11) Where have your hands been, where have your thoughts been? If one realizes the significance of the presiding power of the priesthood, it requires nothing short of the utmost purity every minute of every day. Because with the power of God residing within your very person, you have the ability to affect the course of the world with every word, or action, or even a look. It may sound extreme, but that is what I think it means to preside. In some of my search through the scriptures, I found it interesting that very often, the word preside was used not in conjunction with over but rather with among (see D&C 103:35 and D&C 117:10) and the purpose of the presiding officer was to bless the Lord's people in Zion.

Imagine the wonder if every man and woman would live werf's life in line with the following injunction from the Lord: "No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven. The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever." D&C 121:41-46
Through such a power shall all the nations of the earth be blessed. To any man who holds the priesthood, I say thank you, and I encourage you to live up to the responsibility that is yours to bless lives through your very presence. To the women, I say, remember that this power is real and you have the ability and the duty and privilege to invite these blessings into your life through sustaining and supporting those who hold the presiding power in your lives. This does not give men power to dominate over women and children.; rather they have the power to bless their lives. The power of God is real, and it resides among us today. I just realized that this post is really confusing, but I don't know how to better articulate my thoughts on this subject. Hopefully, however, I have communicated the idea that the priesthood is a living power in our every-day lives, not just for use in the laying on of hands. That this power, when used properly, is the means by which we receive blessings from God and light and knowledge throughout our lives. When the priesthood has been taken from the earth, the entire world population has suffered. Likewise, when the Lord's power is among us, we grow and prosper in all aspects of life, both temporal and spiritual. What a blessing to live in the dispensation of the fullness of times when the holy Priesthood of God has been restored!

P.S. This just reminded me of my little brother, aka Flash. He just turned five last week. He is so gung-ho about everything and it is soooooooo cute. Anyway, his new favorite song is "The Priesthood is Restored." He belts it out at the top of his lungs (and some of the notes are very drawn out, so he has to take several breaths -- it's funny) and can outsing the ENTIRE primary and teachers. He is so cute!

As Sisters in Zion

2005-09-24T20:26:00.000-06:00

My goodness, today I have so many things about which I would like to blog, but not nearly the time or energy to put them all down. It is certainly surprising how once one starts putting one's thoughts down in writing, those thoughts seem to multiply over and over. In my case, this is quite a blessing, as these thoughts are quite uplifitng and lead to a better me, but I have felt slightly overwhelmed the past two days at the outpouring of knowledge and the Lord's spirit.

Still, how can I complain about such a blessing?

I just left the general Relief Society meeting of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Wow, it was amazing! As the choir stood and sang the opening hymn, I must admit I was struck with many wonderful feelings. I watched the camera pan the faces of so many beloved sisters, from young single girls like myself to newlyweds to middle-aged women families to sweet-looking grandmothers, all dressed in white shirts singing "Now let us rejoice...In faith we'll rely on the arm of Jehovah to guide through these last days of trouble and gloom, and after the scourges and harvest are over, we'll rise with the just when the Savior doth come." I saw quite clearly in my mind's eye sisters gathered in countries all over the world to hear the words of our beloved prophet and be uplifted and edified together, strengthened by each other's company.

What a blessing it is to be part of such a wonderful world-wide organization of women united under the direction of the Lord's priesthood dedicated to the cause of charity. So many wonderful thoughts about such a great work. When Joseph Smith organized the Relief Society in Nauvoo, he told the sisters that if they would live up to their privileges (of compassion and service), the angels could not be restrained from being their associates. What a beautiful promise! "How vast is our purpose, how broad is our mission, if we will fulfill it in spirit and deed." The work of the Lord is rolling forward, and the influence of women in that work is unparalled in any other work on the face of the earth. What blessing and privileges are ours if we will reach out and share what we have with others.

President James E Faust spoke at the conclusion of the meeting today. He said many wonderful things, but the message that sunk most deeply into my heart was a sentence stated midway through his talk, that could have easily been missed amid the other treasures of truth. HE comented that we shared our sisterhood with one another, whose names are written in the Lamb's Book of Life. Wow, can you just imagine the joy at such a statement. I am far too judgmental far too often (including at this very meeting), and this just really hit home to me. Here we were, so many women, from so many different cultures, backgrounds, experiences, and stages in life. Yet we were united in our purpose to serve God and to serve one another and others; we are each a cherished daughter of God. The amazing part to me was that there are so many who are striving so diligently to choose the right. So many with whom we can counsel and work, and look forward to sitting down in heaven together.

The prophet Joseph also stated that knowledge and intelligence would flow down from that point in time (when the Society was created). Such has truly been the case. Look at the blessings available to women, especially as we follow the counsel of our living prophets. So much to think and ponder on. What a beautiful thing it is to be a woman in Zion in the dispensation of the fullness of times. What a blessing is the priesthood, and what a privilege I (and all who will join with us) have in being a part of this organization of women gathered together to do the Lord's work under the divine direction of the Lord's chosen servants!

Temple day

2005-09-23T17:09:00.000-06:00

I've been trying to go to the temple all week. I usually go every Thursday right after my last class, but I missed last week for several reasons that I won't go into, so I have been feeling a loss in my life and wanted to go earlier this week. Somehow, I just didn't ever do it. Then yesterday, a really important opportunity came up that couldn't be rescheduled, so I thought I would go today. Well, as I was sitting in my 2:00 class, I suddenly became violently ill. I rushed to the bathroom, and well, noone needs to know the details. Needless to say, I was seriously considering ditching the rest of my classes and going home to sleep. But there was this nagging thought in the back of my mind -- oh yea, I was planning to go to the temple this evening. I lied down on the grass outside for a while while contemplating which course of action to take. I started to feel better, so decided it would be okay for me to stick it out the rest of the day. Obviously, since I'm blogging and not in the middle of a nap, I made it through my class okay. Before heading to the temple, however, I felt like I ought to record some of my thoughts about temples and covenants as they have taken a prominent place on my mind's stage for the past few hours, and I don't want to forget them too soon.

I wrote the following between my classes on an online forum as a response to a question about temple attendance and recharging one's spirituality. I thought it was a brief stroke of inspiration (it certainly didn't come from my own brilliance) and felt that it was worthwhile to include here so that I can remember it: 'While going to the temple is a wonderful thing, and certainly we should go as often as possible, it isn't an end unto itself. Indeed, in the temple we make and renew sacred covenants that govern how we live our every-day lives. So essentially, think of the covenants you have made (this includes those made at baptism for those not endowed, and also for those who are). Now live every minute of your life in accordance with the promises you made. The Lord will respond, as He has promised, with an outpouring of His spirit and knowledge of His mysteries and kingdom. Hopefully this tied my thoughts together a little better. Whether now is the appropriate time for you to recieve the endowment or not is something that must be decided between yourself and the Lord, with the aid of your priesthood leaders. However, the important thing is to keep your life as closely inline with the sacred covenants you have made, and this is what will really help you draw upon the powers of the Atonement to renew your spirituality and make you like unto God.'

Recently (as in over the past two months or so), I think the topic of my thoughts has most often been covenants. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we often refer to ourselves as "covenant-making people." It's true too; we make lots of covenants, and are encouraged to renew them regularly. Interesting, though, how often do I actually focus on keeping those sacred covenants. I go to the temple weekly, but for the other 166 hours of the week, do I dilligently strive to live in accordance with the covenants that I am remembering and aiding others in making when I visit the Lord's house. As I am not yet endowed, I still focus on the Baptisimal Covenant. Wow, this includes a lot: Take upon me the name of Christ, join his fold, share the burdens of others, mourn with those that mourn, comfort those that stand in need of comfort, stand as a witness of God at all times and places, keep His commandments, and ALWAYS remember Him. It seems like a lot, but the blessings more than compensate. I mean, goodness, what could be greater than the constant companionship of the Spirit of God, an actual member fo the Godhead. It's actually pretty amazing when I think about it in this light. So rather than just attend the temple every week (a good thing), I should also work harder to bring my life in line the the Lord's will by actively keeping those sacred covenants. (And, as I have not yet received the endowment or been sealed to a spouse, preparing myself to make those future covenants)

This has definitely given me even more food for thought. How am I doing? Well, I'm definitely trying. I have faith that as I actively do my part, I will be able to draw upon the enabling powers of the Atonement to purify my heart and make me like God. That is such an exciting thought! I have so many more thoughts on covenants that I want to write down, and a few scriptures and quotes to share, but those will have to be another post as I don't have them with me right now, and I need to hurry to the temple. I've got some covenants to remember so I can more fully live them.

Lightning

2005-09-21T15:06:00.000-06:00

I was awakened early this morning (I can only assume it was by the thunder, but I seldom wake up to such noises). It was about 4:00 and I instantly knew that I had heard thunder and then I saw lightning through the window. I hopped out of bed; no, I wasn't frightened, but I had the sudden image of my daddy, standing at the front windows, watching the storm. I quickly walked out of my bedroom, but of course, he wasn't there. I was in my apartment, and everyone else was sound asleep. Somehow, I didn't feel sleepy though, so I took up Dad's vigil next to the sliding glass door.

That's one of the clearest memories I have of my childhood -- Dad standing at the window, watching the rain and the lightning of a midnight Houston thunderstorm. The storm last night started me thinking about him, and I have continued all day. Maybe I'll write him an email. It's always nice to hear from people you love. Yea, I have some things I've been meaning to tell him, I think I'll do it.

All this thinking about Dad today has left me wondering, what will my posterity remember about me? What scenes will pop unbidden into my children's heads at the least-expected moment? I don't have any kids yet; I'm not even married. Still, the thought has plagued me, so I think I'll digest it a little here.

Who am I? Well, I know my name, I know plenty of things about me, but do I really know who I am -- the answer to that is at present a resounding "no." That doesn't mean I've given it up as a lost cause, though. I've heard since I was born that I am a child of God. Perhaps it has become too cliche and has thus lost its significance to me, but I don't think so. I've just forgotten the beauty and purity of this simple idea. I know, however, that I feel most "found" when I pray, if that makes any sense. Most of the time I am lost, but I know that when I am on my knees in sincere, humble prayer, I FEEL who I am, even if I don't know it. If I could have any image engraven upon the minds of those who know me, I hope it would be of me on my knees in prayer. I'm not nearly as prayerful as I should be, but something within my soul just hungers to speak with a loving Father in Heaven. Perhaps it's trying to remind me who I am.

Yes, I think that was the purpose of my waking in the wee hours of the morning to witness the wonder and awe of the thunderstorm. I thought this post was going to be a lot longer, with lots of trying-to-be profound thoughts circling through my mind. But I think the answer is much simpler. I suppose that's why the Lord continually counsels us to ponder -- stop and think about life and the words of His chosen servants. We see things much more clearly that way. The lesson for me today is simple, really, just pray. Just do it. "Prayer is the soul's sincere desire." I think this is one of the sweetest reminders I have ever received.

What's on my mind

2005-09-20T19:05:00.000-06:00

I heard someone say the other day that she heard "some general authority, some where, say something to the effect of" (take it as you will, I still think it's a good idea) to his daughter, "so what scripture are you pondering today?" Sounds like a nice thought to me. So, what is it that I think about all day? I must admit, I am a self-proclaimed simple, small-town girl. I have few thoughts worth saying aloud, but perhaps with a little coaxing, I can convince them to find their way to this blog and someday I might stumble across something of worth. These words aren't doctrine; mostly they'll be mundane. There you have it. This is a glimpse into the mind of Chicken Dust.