Roles

I'm wearing mascara today.

I didn't do it because B bullied me, more because I know she's right. I need to do it.

Everyone lives with stress; life is tough, and we all need to find ways to cope with change and disappointment. I think I've learned that my #1 coping strategy is to fall perfectly into certain roles. I tend to resist the change all around me by sticking to given roles, no matter how antiquated or inappropriate they may be (though I tend to think that they are always the most appropriate way to respond). Since I have recently been following a gender roles controversy, I've been thinking alot about my opinions on the subject. I think I define my life by gender roles (at least by my idea of what those roles should be). But I have my reasons, more than just a coping strategy, for why I think it's important to remember that men and women are different. From The Family: A Proclamation to the World, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." In my humble (read correct) opinion, it doesn't get more authoritative than that. I readily admit that there is plenty to be said about the specifics of how men and women should act. This is what I believe.

I am firmly of the opinion that the vast majority of our society's ills could be cured if men and women would fall into their roles. Someone remarked that she didn't appreciate men opening doors for her or pulling her chair out because it just seemed to shout, "Here we are embracing our gender roles. In case you hadn't noticed." Well, pardon me, but what's wrong with that? Men aren't better than women, and women aren't better than men. Neither is "stronger" or "more spiritual" or anything else; we're just different. And to borrow a cliché, different is good. At least in this case it is. Men work and support their families. Women bear and raise children. Men seek out and date women. Women primp and try to be desirable. Men open doors, pull out chairs, help on with coats, carry the heavy stuff, and try to woo their chosen woman. Women cook dinner, make a house a home, bake yummy treats, clean up after men, and boost their chosen man's ego and moral. Men hold the Holy Priesthood and exercise it in righteousness, blessing the earth with God's word. Women support the priesthood by counseling with their husbands and with priesthood leaders and raising righteous boys and administering compassionate service. Together they complete each other; neither can stand alone and be whole.

I realize that not everyone fits the "mold" just perfectly. That's okay. All women don't have to knit and decorate cakes and make their own curtains. All men don't have to be obsessed with sports and have Arnold Frieberg arms. But each personality can fit with their specified gender roles. It's when people start confusing these important roles that problems start. Today women are ashamed/afraid of their femininity and men are monsters who have one of two views of women: a toy to be used for his sexual pleasure, or a work horse to be dominated and controlled. (These are general statements and do not apply to everyone, just the world as a whole.) No wonder our families are falling apart and our children are growing more and more confused.

I don't know just how to solve the world's problems by any means, so I don't know what to do to fix this great inequality in our society, but I have a few suggestions (read resolutions I intend to follow):

A return to chivalry - and I don't mean all the outward appearances so that men can pretend to be nice while all the while seeking to control women. I'm talking about the ideal, the heart of courtly love. Men fighting the world's battles to keep their women soft. If we're all callous, it will be a sad, sad world. I was a little disappointed that the movie strayed from the book here, but in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Aslan doesn't let the girls fight. Lucy doesn't get a dagger from Santa, and Aslan says to Susan and Lucy, "Battles are no place for women." (Not that I think everything C.S. Lewis writes is the mind and will of God, but he got a lot of things right, and I tend to like the way he says stuff.) I can see why the director edited that part of the story, though. Imagine trying to get that through Hollywood and then out to the general public; oh the uproar! Still, if we let them the little things like opening doors, sweeping any spider webs out, and helping on with a coat can be reminders of who we are and how we should treat each other with respect. This means that not only should men engage in these actions, but women should receive them graciously.

If you're still reading by now, I'll try to say something worth your effort. But I can't think of anything that would be worth your effort. Sorry. Truth is, I'm want to feel like I am beautiful, but I don't want a man who loves me because I'm pretty. B said yesterday, "It's okay. Someday you'll find the right man, and he'll love you even though you are beautiful." I think that's my all-time favorite quote. It's so ironic, but that's what I want. A man who will love me even though I am beautiful. It's for him that I'll wear make-up.