Men and Marriage

As is not uncommon in the community in which I reside, I have been recently surrounded by couples, specifically engaged couples. I am extremely happy for the vast majority of them, and wish each couple the very best in their future lives together. With the recent General Conference address by Elder Nelson on the sanctity of marriage and the abundance of soon-to-be-married couples in the area, I have been encouraged to think on my idea of what marriage should be, and if it were possible, come up with an idea of my "ideal man". Oh boy.

I am thoroughly loyal to the extreme, once my loyalty is bestowed. To the man I will call my husband I would give everything. My life, my body, my desires, my personal comforts, my hopes and dreams for the future, and my complete love and devotion. I will obey and honor and serve him. I will bear and raise his children amid physical, mental, and emotional pain and anguish (plenty of joy too though). I will put my plans on hold to follow him where school or work takes us. I will cook and clean and decorate and garden and work day in and day out to create for him a home worthy of a king. I will support him in his church callings and encourage him to honorably serve with the Priesthood. I will listen to his worries and complaints about his job and support and encourage him in all his educational/carreer endeavors. I will work by his side and then stand back when he needs to shine. I will cheer and applaud his efforts to serve the Lord, lead his family in love and righteousness, and serve in the community. I will make myself beautiful and desireable to him. All this I will do and try to fulfill my own callings and broaden my mind and cultivate my talents. I will defer to him as Patriarch in our home; I will counsel with him on important family decisions, but the final say will be his. I will support him in such and teach our children to do the same. All this I will do and more - I will literally give my entire life - for the man I marry.

All I ask is one thing in return: I ask that he be my master.

He must first be willing to allow me to give him everything; he must be the man who will be the patriarch in our home. But there is a second part of being a master, and it is this that he must carefully fulfill. Jesus said, "And whoesoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all." I would ask of my husband that he preside in the way the Lord has prescribed (indeed, the way He has shown). "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Ephesians 5:25). I find it singularly interesting that the marriage relationship is the one most often used to provide an analogy for the relationship of Christ to the Church. (Christ is repeatedly called the Bridegroom throughout the New Testament and in other scripture.) It is interesting to make the comparison from marriage to Christ, but perhaps equally enlightening is to consider the things Jesus has done for his people and compare that back to how marriage can and ought to work. Jesus Christ lived and died, and lives today, in service to mankind, most especially the saints, those who would allow Him to be their Lord and Master. He is the clear Head of the church. He commands and expects obedience from His people. Despite His obvious authority, all is done in love and in the best interest of mankind rather than for an selfish motives whatsoever.

Perhaps my favorite story dealing with this matter is found in St John 13:3-14. "Jesus...riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded...So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? You call me Master and Lord" and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that ye should do as I have done to you...If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them." I want a depiction of this sacred act hanging in a prominent place in my home as a reminder. If my husband will stoop down to help me put my shoes on take out the garbage or gently brush my hair...if he will bring me flowers (even dandylions or morning glory) and hold my hand and tell me I'm beautiful...if he will lead with determination but try ever so diligently to be gentle...if he will hold me when I cry and say "I'm sorry" whether he caused the pain or not...if he will do all these things and lead in love and righteousness, constantly seeking the Lord's guidance through prayer, then I will be the luckiest woman alive.

I want a man who will allow me to be tender, a man who will appreciate my natural ability to be nurturing and kind, a man who will face the harsh realities of the world and fight the battles of society, doing his best to protect me and our children and provide for us a safe home. In return I will love and serve him second only to the Lord; I will praise him in his abilities and defend him against any who may be inclined to find fault with him; I will love and serve his children and teach them to walk in the ways of truth; I will create of the house he provides a home, a haven, a safe place that is apart from the world. Neither of us will be perfect, but we shouldn't expect that of ourselves or each other. President Packer believes (from personal experience) that a couple can live together happily for more than forty years without a single major argument. I believe it too, and hope and will work for it. That is what I want.

President Hinckley said: "The family is divine. It was institued by our Heavenly Father. It encompasses the most sacred of all relationships. Only through its organization can the purposes of the Lord be fulfilled...I believe in the family where there is a husband who regards his companion as his greatest asset and treats her accordingly; where there is a wife who looks upon her husband as her anchor and strength, her comfort and security; where there are children who look to mother and father with respect and gratitude; where there are parents who look upon those children as blessings and find a great and serious and wonderful challenge in their nurture and rearing."

Yes, I too believe in marriage and family. I too know that they are insituted by God, the Eternal Father, who delights in our happiness and seeks our eternal exaltation. In His divine plan, families play a vital role. Let me never forget their divine purpose and seek to prepare myself for the great covenant of marriage.