Roles

I'm wearing mascara today.

I didn't do it because B bullied me, more because I know she's right. I need to do it.

Everyone lives with stress; life is tough, and we all need to find ways to cope with change and disappointment. I think I've learned that my #1 coping strategy is to fall perfectly into certain roles. I tend to resist the change all around me by sticking to given roles, no matter how antiquated or inappropriate they may be (though I tend to think that they are always the most appropriate way to respond). Since I have recently been following a gender roles controversy, I've been thinking alot about my opinions on the subject. I think I define my life by gender roles (at least by my idea of what those roles should be). But I have my reasons, more than just a coping strategy, for why I think it's important to remember that men and women are different. From The Family: A Proclamation to the World, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." In my humble (read correct) opinion, it doesn't get more authoritative than that. I readily admit that there is plenty to be said about the specifics of how men and women should act. This is what I believe.

I am firmly of the opinion that the vast majority of our society's ills could be cured if men and women would fall into their roles. Someone remarked that she didn't appreciate men opening doors for her or pulling her chair out because it just seemed to shout, "Here we are embracing our gender roles. In case you hadn't noticed." Well, pardon me, but what's wrong with that? Men aren't better than women, and women aren't better than men. Neither is "stronger" or "more spiritual" or anything else; we're just different. And to borrow a cliché, different is good. At least in this case it is. Men work and support their families. Women bear and raise children. Men seek out and date women. Women primp and try to be desirable. Men open doors, pull out chairs, help on with coats, carry the heavy stuff, and try to woo their chosen woman. Women cook dinner, make a house a home, bake yummy treats, clean up after men, and boost their chosen man's ego and moral. Men hold the Holy Priesthood and exercise it in righteousness, blessing the earth with God's word. Women support the priesthood by counseling with their husbands and with priesthood leaders and raising righteous boys and administering compassionate service. Together they complete each other; neither can stand alone and be whole.

I realize that not everyone fits the "mold" just perfectly. That's okay. All women don't have to knit and decorate cakes and make their own curtains. All men don't have to be obsessed with sports and have Arnold Frieberg arms. But each personality can fit with their specified gender roles. It's when people start confusing these important roles that problems start. Today women are ashamed/afraid of their femininity and men are monsters who have one of two views of women: a toy to be used for his sexual pleasure, or a work horse to be dominated and controlled. (These are general statements and do not apply to everyone, just the world as a whole.) No wonder our families are falling apart and our children are growing more and more confused.

I don't know just how to solve the world's problems by any means, so I don't know what to do to fix this great inequality in our society, but I have a few suggestions (read resolutions I intend to follow):

A return to chivalry - and I don't mean all the outward appearances so that men can pretend to be nice while all the while seeking to control women. I'm talking about the ideal, the heart of courtly love. Men fighting the world's battles to keep their women soft. If we're all callous, it will be a sad, sad world. I was a little disappointed that the movie strayed from the book here, but in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Aslan doesn't let the girls fight. Lucy doesn't get a dagger from Santa, and Aslan says to Susan and Lucy, "Battles are no place for women." (Not that I think everything C.S. Lewis writes is the mind and will of God, but he got a lot of things right, and I tend to like the way he says stuff.) I can see why the director edited that part of the story, though. Imagine trying to get that through Hollywood and then out to the general public; oh the uproar! Still, if we let them the little things like opening doors, sweeping any spider webs out, and helping on with a coat can be reminders of who we are and how we should treat each other with respect. This means that not only should men engage in these actions, but women should receive them graciously.

If you're still reading by now, I'll try to say something worth your effort. But I can't think of anything that would be worth your effort. Sorry. Truth is, I'm want to feel like I am beautiful, but I don't want a man who loves me because I'm pretty. B said yesterday, "It's okay. Someday you'll find the right man, and he'll love you even though you are beautiful." I think that's my all-time favorite quote. It's so ironic, but that's what I want. A man who will love me even though I am beautiful. It's for him that I'll wear make-up.

Make-up, huh?

I just had the most random experience (though, while I think on it, something similar has happened many times before). Just outside the office where I work is an information desk. There are three different ladies who work shifts at the info desk. B just started a few months ago; I like her a lot. She is very friendly, and I've noticed that she carries herself with a grace and dignity that speaks of confidence. I envy her that grace. Perhaps that's why her words today have had such an effect on me; their effect is such that I can't stop thinking about it and I have been driven to blog about it.

I was taking my lunch, sitting on one of the benches in the lobby reading when B left her post at the info desk and came to sit next to me. She announced that she was going to interrupt my reading (hmmm, not even the slightest hint of apology for the interuption...oh well). I couldn't be bugged, however, because she proceeded to compliment me very highly. "I just wanted to tell you, Chicken Dust, that you are one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen." Wow, that was really nice. I thanked her sincerely and felt highly flattered. (The pick-me-up was very welcome today as I was feeling mostly less than presentable.) It's not so random for people to be nice, the crazy part was what followed. "You know, Chicken Dust, a little make-up would be wonderful...[lots of extoling the wonders of make-up]...most girls would love to have what you have to work with." Oh, but there's more. Apparently, B was a model in her younger years, and quite successful from what she was telling me. She then taught modeling and confidence classes here at the University. So all this was coming from an expert...I'm one of the prettiest girls she's ever seen. hmm, I don't know how I feel about that.

I know, I know, I should feel flattered (and a tiny part of me sort of wants to), but the rest of me rebels at the idea. This isn't the first time I've been approached in this way. When I was in high school I actually got a call from a modeling agency asking if I would like to model for a magazine. (They called me because one of the girls I went to school with worked for them and had brought in her yearbook, through which they searched looking for potential victims. Imagine, getting a call because of a yearbook picture! Indeed.) I have on occasion had complete strangers come up to me and tell me that I was really pretty; yes this totally weirds me out. Now, I realize this entire paragraph seems much like a boast, and maybe it is. I do feel like I am WAY too vain occasionally, but I don't really mean to say these things to convince anyone that I am good looking. If anyone reads this, it will be either my sisters or my good friends, and I have nothing to prove to them. I just have to recount these instances to give background for the opinions I am going to express.

I tried to maintain composure and respond gracefully to B's comments. I hope I succeeded. Basically, the truth is, though, that I don't want to be pretty. I avoid make-up and spending time on my hair as if it was a terrible plague bent on my destruction. Past experience has led me to believe that being admired for physical beauty only leads to pain. True, I'd love to be pretty and well-liked for my dazzling personality; however, since I don't believe I can have both, I absolutely refuse to be pretty. Anyone reading this should be familiar with my experience with one M who was determined to make me "popular"; for those who don't know to what I am referring, I'm happy to have you reading my blog - maybe I'll recount the story sometime. Anyhow, I've decided I like being plain. It's much less complicated.

There's a deeper, more painful, issue involved though. I'm perfect; I always have
been. At least by outward appearances. Few people can come up with a good reason for not liking me - I'm smart, I'm helpful, I'm responsible, I'm pretty, I'm talented, I'm nice, I'm "spiritual," I'm easy to get along with, ad nauseum. The problem with being perfect in what I do is that I don't really know who I am. I've never been able to adequately describe this insecurity, but I tried a little with my post about La Dama del Alba. Anyone else could do what I do )even if it takes several anyone's to accomplish it all), so I'm completely dispensible. What is my worth as an individual? It's sort of confusing. Not that I have a low self-esteem, I know That I am all of those things I listed above. The problem comes in that I have never not been all of the above, so I don't know what I would be if I wasn't "perfect." If that makes any sense. Which it doesn't, oh well.

All this simply to say that I don't really want to wear make-up; I AM silly. I think the fact that I've been all alone for the last two weeks is really getting to me. I miss my roommates, my coworkers, my customers, my neighbors, and pretty much everyone. It's lonely around these parts right now, and I'm letting it get to me. But I'm done with this silliness. I'm okay.

With or without junk on my face.

I Am Not Ashamed

Shameless plug for a new movie: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is a MUST see. I promise, anyone with any sense of anything will enjoy it. I just returned from viewing said film, and I was intensely touched. There are so many wonderful truths encompassed by that story; truly, C.S. Lewis was a genius. This is just one of the many impressions I had while watching.

The first time Peter kills, he is devastated. He was being taunted by the wolves that he wouldn't actually use his sword, yadda, yadda, and there is great hesitation in his face. One wolf lunges on him, and basically impales himself on Peter's sword. When the wolf is rolled off of him, Peter's face registers shock and a bit of (dare I say) disgust. Aslan's reply? "Clean off your sword, Peter."

Aslan didn't kill for the sake of killing; it's not fun to him. But there is no remorse either for the destruction of an enemy. This got me thinking. In the movie, the enemy itself was represented by living creatures, in reality, people aren't actually the enemy. Killing another person is not like destruction of the evil force, so in real life we should still feel remorse for the necessity of sending an unprepared soul to meet werf's judgment (see Alma 48:23). But I should never feel regret about the cutting down of a true enemy. That means if there is evil in the world, I should fight it. As President Hinckley said, "Again, it is not enough that you retreat to your private cloister and pursue only your special private interests. Your strong voice is needed. The weight of you stance may be enough to tip the scales in the direction of truth."

Sometimes I feel guilty for condemning unrighteousness; I feel it is not my place, or I should be more patient, or something else. But Aslan taught me that when I see evil, I should not be afraid to pierce it to the heart, pull out my sword, and press forward never looking back. It's not something I should regret when I open my mouth to stop someone from viewing licentious material, or speak out against inappropriate language. Such is the battle we must fight, and I must now "clean off my sword" as there are more battles to join and wage.

Hark All Ye Nations

(Cowdust, have you been paying attention to the fact that many of the recent posts have come from our little competition? Here's another. :) )

I tend to think that usually, if the Lord feels the need to repeat something three times in its entirety, it's probably pretty important. Here's one of those things. "Thus saith the Lord God; Behold I will lift up mine hand to the Gentiles, and set up my standard to the people; and they shall bring thy sons in their arms, and thy daughters shall be carried upon their shoulders. And kings shall be thy nursing fathers, and their queens thy nursing mothers; they shall bow down to thee with their faces towards the earth, and lick up the dust of thy feet; and thou shalt know that I am the Lord; for they shall not be ashamed that wait for me." (Isaiah 49:22-23, 1 Nephi 21:22-23, 2 Nephi 6:6-7)

I have no idea what that means. But thankfully, Nephi expounded slightly for us. "Behold these things of which are spoken are temporal; for thus are the covenants of the Lord with our fathers; and it meaneth us in the days to come, and also all our brethren who are of the house of Israel. And it meaneth that the time cometh that after all the house of Israel have been scattered and confounded, that the Lord God will raise up a mighty nation among the Gentiles, yea, even upon the face of this land; and by them shall our seed be scattered. And after our seed is scattered the Lord God will proceed to do a marvelous work among the Gentiles, which shall be of great worth unto our seed; wherefore, it is likened unto their being nourished by the Gentiles and being carried in their arms and upon their shoulders. And it shall also be of worth unto the Gentiles; and not only unto the Gentiles but unto all the house of Israel, unto the making known of the covenants of the Father of heaven unto Abraham, saying: In thy seed shall all the kindreds of the earth be blessed" (1 Nephi 22:6-9).

Okay, so I think I get that it's talking about the restoration of the gospel in the latter days. So why so important, what is the purpose of reminding us so forcibly three times with the exact same wording? I don't really have an answer to this, but as I was pondering on the significance of these verses, I was reminded of a CES fireside talk by Elder Jeffrey R Holland given in September of 2004. He said, "One way or another, I think virtually all of the prophets and early apostles had their visionary moments of our time--a view that gave them courage in their own less-successful eras. Those early brethren knew an amazing amount about us. Prophets such as Moses, Nephi, and the brother of Jared saw the latter days in tremendously detailed vision. Some of what they saw wasn't pleasing, but surely all those earlier generations took heart from knowing that there would finally be one dispensation that would not fail. Ours, not theirs, was the day that gave them 'heavenly and joyful anticipations' and caused them to sing and prophesy of victory. Ours is the day, collectively speaking, toward which the prophets have been looking from the beginning of time, and those earlier brethren are over there still cheering us on! In a very real way, their chance to consider themselves fully successful depends on our faithfulness and our victory. I love the idea of going into the battle of the last days representing Alma and Abinadi and what they pled for and representing Peter and Paul and the sacrifices they made.”

Somehow I think that makes a bit of a connection with me. It's so important because this is the dispensation of the fullness of times. The restoration of the gospel for the final time is a glorious event, one worth talking about and preparing for. If anyone else has more ideas on this, I'd love to hear them. Please share, I'm still learning about these verses.

No Doubt

Nearly 600 years before the Son of God was even born on this earth, Father Lehi declared, "But behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell..." (2 Nephi 1:15). Long before the Savior voiced the triumphal phrase "It is finished" this prophet was speaking of the greatest event of all time in the past tense. This verse had never struck me as it did just a few days ago when I realized this. (It's really true that you learn something new every time you read The Book of Mormon!)

This is an example to me of such faith and trust! Lehi didn't just prophecy about the coming of Christ and the fact that he would atone for the sins of all mankind; no, he rejoiced as if it had already happened. I have often tried to fathom what it would be like to live in the days before Jesus' birth, but I can only think in terms of my life. I can't imagine being told that some day, a man would come who would redeem you from the effects of sin and mortality. It would take a lot of faith to follow through with something like that (I think).

But Lehi obviously did more than just "believe in" Christ. He knew and believed Him. Lehi had such abiding faith in Jehovah that when the Lord said that He would come to redeem all men, Lehi took it to heart. He knew that Jesus would see it through, fulfilling the infinite atonement that would reach not only foward to all men, but also back. So when Lehi spoke of His personal salvation, he could use past tense.

There are a lot of very appealing doctrines in the LDS church, and people are often attracted to the gospel because of these truths. But this is the only truth that really matters. God lives; Jesus is the Christ, and He has redeemed all mankind from sin and death. I know this to be true; I have no doubt. All things may pass away, but as surely as I know I live, I know that statement is true. I am working to strengthen my faith so that I may trust so fully as did Lehi.

The Victory Won

Today's Sunday School lesson: The Whole Armor of God
Ephesians 6:11-17: "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."

We like the war imagery in Christianity. It paints a good picture of the tasks we are called to perform; we sing songs about it, teach lessons on how to prepare for it, etc. The struggle between right and wrong, good and evil, is an eternal principle. And though it is not incorrect, and is often very effective in conveying a specific concept, I wonder if sometimes we get a little misled by the comparisons of ourselves to soldiers in the battle against the forces of evil. That is a war that I believe we are not qualified to fight, nor is there a need. The battle has been won; victory prevailed. Indeed, Christ, "fought the fight, the victory won" (Hymns #200). He has triumphed over sin, He paid the price, He paved the way for man to be delivered from the jaws of hell and the chains of Satan. The war between good and evil was won. The battle now is for the souls of men, we must decide which side we will be on. In whom will we place our loyalties? We know the winner, Satan must know that he cannot triumph and achieve glory, honor, and power, so what now? "He seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself" (2 Nephi 2:27). We know who will win, has won; the question is, will we stay on His side.

Keeping that in mind, that we are not fighting the actual battle against evil, but rather a battle for the souls of men, specifically to stay on the side of good, the armor we are given makes so much sense. Nearly everything is defensive. The protections against sin and human weaknesses are vital to staying on the Lord's side. We cannot afford to distance ourselves from Him and suffer spiritual death by taking off our armor and allowing the fiery darts of the adersary to strike us in places where we are vulnerable. We MUST stay on the Lord's side, His is the winning team. So much on the defense may seem a bit odd if we were trying to defeat sin in all the world, but that is not our purpose, Christ did that 2000+ years ago. We couldn't even if we tried, but we must fully use our armor to protect us from the second death caused by sin.

It's also interesting that the one "offensive" tool we are given is the "sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." This one weapon to fight with is the way we spread the good news of the gospel to all nations and people. In the battle for men's souls the offensive weapon we need is a way to help everyone else get on werf's armor. Through the word of God, shared with the Spirit, we can arm others so that they too may be protected from the temptations that fall upon mankind. Only through Christ can men be saved, He has won the victory; the offensive tool enables us to spread this good news and help them come unto Him. He won the war, we must fight each day the battle to stay on His side, and do all we can to bring others over to the winning team. When I think of that I just want to shout. Hurray! Alleluia!

Servants

Heb got great tickets to the First Presidency Christmas Devotional the other night, and she was kind enough to invite me along. I sat at the feet of the prophet; it was amazing. There was a bit of a disturbance, but the grey, anxious feeling was quickly dispelled by the singing of praises the the Christ and the reassuring words of His chosen servants. What a blessing to be in the presence of prophets of God. What a blessing indeed.

Oh How Lovely

Yesterday in my Teachings of the Living Prophets class, we began our discussion of President Hinckley by watching a clip from the movie Special Witnesses of Christ. President Hinckley chose to share his testimony from the Sacred Grove. I love trees. I have always been in awe of great forests and such. I just feel a sense of excitement and wonder and enthusiasm in the presence of such majestic giants. So the fact that he was in a grove amid trees of this sort, where all was green, flooded with sunlight, well, it was touching.

As I watched this great man walk slowly around the grove while bearing witness to the sacred nature of the activities that occured among those very trees, I was struck with how small he seemed. I admire President Hinckley very much. He is such a hero to me, oftentimes seeming larger than life; the fact that he seemed dwarfed there in that grove, therefore was an interesting observation for me. I was struck with the wonder of man, but more, the greatness of God. I felt to explain, as did Moses, "Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed" (Moses 1:10). What a feeling! I can't think a better way to describe it, so I will leave it at that and hope that each will seek within werfself to find a way to understand this revelation. It is shocking, humbling, and encouraging all at the same time.

Just after this revelation came another, even more striking. Those trees were BIG; the area was wide and full of plants with many little areas off to the side; the man was so small. Yet the sunlight filled the grove, casting away shadows and brightening the entire area. What a visual it was for me! As small as man is, God is SO great. His almighty power is awesome (read awe-some), and He has shared it with us, His children. On that beautiful spring day in 1820 the Father of us all revealed Himself, along with His Son, Jehovah, to the boy Joseph Smith. He brought with Him Light that would fill the whole earth, casting out shadows wherever His truth is received. What a blessing, what a miracle!

Finding myself

I just read the most awful play for my Spanish class. This is a spoiler warning for anyone planning to read La Dama del Alba, don't read this post because it gives away the ending. Basically, the irony in the play was amazing; that's the only positive comment I have for it though. Quick summary follows:

There is a family in Spain, mother grandfather, three young kids, Telva (the life-long family servant who lives with them), and the son-in-law (Martin). Martin was married to Angelica, the oldest daughter who was perfect in every way; she was beautiful, she was great with the kids, she was kind to all the neighbors, everyone loved her. She supposedly drowned in the river four years ago. Actually, though, she ran oiff with another man three days after marrying Martin. He knew where she was and chased her, but was unsuccessful. He allowed everyone to think that she had drowned basically because he loved her and didn't want her name tarnished. On the fourth anniversary of her death, the Peregrina (lady who represents death) appears at the family's house, but no one dies. Instead, Martin rescues a random girl (Adela) from drowning in the river. Adela was actually trying to kill herself and was a little miffed that she was rescued, but the family opens their arms to her and she starts to find a little happiness. The Peregrina leaves, telling the grandfather that she will return in seven months and then she will claim the girl.

Seven months later, Adela has basically morphed into Angelica. The mother is supposedly happy again and continually encourages Adela to be more like her daughter. Adela is now part of the family. Martin even confesses his love. The Peregrina returns; the grandfather begs her to spare Adela, but the Peregrina insists that she will not leave alone. Martin finally admits the truth about Angelica to Adela within hearing of the Peregrina. Peregrina seems to understand something. Later, Adela attempts again to take her life because of the mess that she is in trying to be Angelica, but the Peregrina stops her (odd, that the figure of death would stop her from dying, but ok). Peregrina tells the grandfather that she will allow Adela to grow old, saying there is another for whom she has come.

The family all leave to go to a festival, and while they are gone, Angelica returns. She is the picture of the prodigal son. Her life is in shambles and all she wants is a warm corner of the house. The Peregrina greets her and tells her the family had gone. She then proceeds to detail the changes that have happened and tells Angelica that she has lost her place. The family all love Adela, and it would be better for everyone if Angelica were actually dead. Since she is not, the Peregrina has a solution: jump in the river. The Peregrina then has about four or five pages telling Angelica why she should kill herself, and convincing her that there is no returning and no forgiveness for her wrongdoings. Angelica then jumps in the river and her body is found in the morning. End of story. I hated it.

After finishing the play last night I felt horrible. I was so depressed and disgusted and everything else, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I decided that I must learn something; I must find an important message in this dreadful story to ease my mind a little. Here is what I have come up with. First of all, the Peregrina was wrong, entirely wrong, in telling Angelica that everyone would be better off if she took her life. That's just wrong. That was the most disturbing part of the play, her convincing Angelica that suicide was a good option. It's not. I couldn't really come up with a good lesson to be had from that, but the more I thought about Angelica, the more I realized how sad her life really was.

Angelica lived for everyone else. This isn't always necessarily bad; we should love and serve others, and it is possible to truly find happiness in the happiness and comfort of others. But this can't be accomplished until we know who we are individually. I think Angelica didn't know who Angelica was. She was everything to everyone but herself. I think occasionally I start down the path of Angelica's disease, I identify with her, so I'd like to make a conection to myself and see how this applies to my life.

I've often heard it said that you can't lift a man until you are standing on higher ground than he is. I think this is applicable in this instance. It's not selfish to spend time alone, nurturing your own identity. As much as I might like to think otherwise, I am replaceable. If I leave, another will fill my spot; if I fall down on my duties, another can do my work. When Angelica disappeared, the family was devastated, but the role she played was filled by another. Adela could never be Angelica, but she could easily do what Angelica did, she could play the part. The one person for whom Adela could never be Angelica was only Angelica. That's terrifying for me to think about, but I've seen it first-hand time and time again. If you're not your own best friend, you have no real friends. Everyone else can find someone else to accomplish the tasks that I do, but noone can be me for me. Maybe that doesn't make sense. Let me try again.

Angelica's life was built around her family and other people. When she returned at the end of the play and learned that another had taken her place in the family, she was understandably devasted; anyone would be. Angelica's situation was delicate, however, because she was her place in the family. Without her duties as daughter, sister, wife, friend, and neighbor, she had nothing; she was nothing. The Peregrina was able to convince Angelica to take her life because Angelica had no life other than outside her, what she did for other people. If Angelica had been something to herself there would have been two differences. 1. She would not have been fooled by the Peregrina because she would have had a life besides what Adela had taken from her. She would have had something to build on instead of trying to step back into her old role (which had been filled by someone new). 2. She would have been slightly more irreplaceable. Someone who is confident in werfself and has a strong friendship with werfself fills a role that cannot be filled by anyone else. That confidence carries over into all aspects of life and makes a person more fun to be around, more irreplaceable. If the substance of you is what you do, then anyone can become you, that is, do what you did. However, if you have taken time to develop your personality and distinguish yourself, you are something noone else can be. That is the difference, love yourself. Take time for you. And then you will be happier personally and will be a much more effective servant of God.